I Am The Biggest Winning Loooooser

Celestia's Dream

2012-01-21T02:18:00.008+08:00

Dedicated to Celestia Chan

For a moment I wasn’t sure, if I was a flea beside a mouth or a man by a cave… Then it descended unto me, there we were gathered around a pit of burning furnace. We, my peers and I. It was the skull of a hill, magnificently crowned with black granites, encircling the fiery canyon. With the rim crusting glowingly red at our feet, we peered amidst the darkness of ascending smoke from the hissing lava crawling vengefully, ready to ambush, at the stretching bottom of infinite depth. Our feet were so near the steep edge, one movement forward and we would have fallen to melt. The sharply blinding viscous fluid whirled and encircled the ecliptic wall, with whips of fire resembling the outstretched arms of hundreds of thousands of demonic souls, miserable and seeking company.

We clearly saw what was in there: Horror. So clearly, as if the seemingly eye-watering haze dissipated as it reached the eyes, as if it were of a substance from another universe, an unworldly item, untouched, imagined. Perhaps it was the work of confusion one often experiences in dreams; perhaps, it was a trick so we were to see what we were meant to see: the ever-welcoming gate to eternal doom.

It only occurred momentarily to me if it was a dream or reality before the question dissipated as swiftly as it came; for the answer seemed too trivial compared to the urgency of what was anticipated. But what exactly was anticipated? I glanced through my friends’ faces; there was a sense of vacancy to their stare, as if they weren’t really there. As if I was all by myself, surrounded by standing fleshes of zombies.

A sudden blackness, sleek and hairy, emerged upward from around the wall of the burrowing cave, morphed from and consumed the only source of glow that was the burning lava. From afar it looked like a million rats crawling spider-like upward, making their way towards us; as they climbed atop of each other, multiplying and filling the hole, approaching its brink, the sight became clearer and the horror struck: They were hands covered in fur, in grasping gesture as if desperate to seize anything to bring with them to a place unknown. As they approached the corner of the rim, I urged to back away in disgust only to find my knees too weak to move, my body too stale to flinch. The hands of the unwanted souls erupted and sprung free from the dike like ants escaping their flooded colony. The spider-like fingers worked their way monstrously across the boiling rocks, camouflaged in each other’s blackness, taking turns to jump in seizure in attempt to grab on us. Though, we were untouched, untainted as if we belonged to a world of different entities; they passed us like wind and ghosts.

But not everyone had a life of purity to shield oneself from evil; a standing figure was already covered entirely in wiggling black bulk! As if by a signal only understood by the species, the rest of the colony climbed their way towards the bulk hungrily. Though every last creature attached itself to the bulk, it did not grow in size. It was now fused as one black mass. Everything was suddenly still and quiet, then the costume of furry black began to subside and fall apart, showing her tired emotionless head, lolling from left to right; then her torso, her kneecaps, her feet. I recognized her at once, but I couldn’t tell who she was. She was both a stranger and a familiar all at once; as much a friend as a passer-by. I do and do not know her. To be exact, I thought I could recite her stories, but I knew not of her name.

Then, a wave of black vapour sneaked around us, stream-like, it slipped through the air towards a concentrating point in mid air a foot in front of the sinful girl. It began to take form, majestically from the bottom. The train of its cape grew ascending to the shoulders, like two majestic horns. The delicate bald head took its shape absent –mindedly, as if enjoying its own formation. It was beautiful in a gruesome way, its skin blistered with rubies. It was clothed in gold embroidered linen with studded gems, ridiculously extravagant in colours that remind one of peacocks, yet respectful; The train of its cape floated with dignity; Its gestures and demure suggested a well-mannered lady, but its uprooted stand as firm as a savage soldier. It blinked seductively at her, its eyes a pair of gleaming gems of moon crystal, trailing long fingers that ran forever lifted themselves and summoned for hers. She obeyed. She did not avert her gaze from it, for she could not. Neither could I.

The world in that envelope of space seemed to be absorbed into the gravity of its charming horrendousness, its glowing darkness. It spoke but its lips remained still, it spoke in a language foreign to our ears, yet we understood every syllabus of it. The sound that rang was rhythmic and melodic, hypnotically alarming. It persuaded the girl to walk with it, she submitted herself as it flung its glittery cape around her. Tender and soft, it gripped on her wrist firmly. Its expression was kind but not without a gush of discoverable hunger and greed, perhaps gluttony was a better substitution of a word. It guided her feet, one step at a time towards the mouth of the volcano.

At the peril of it I wanted to yell to stop her from suicide, but found no voice. It was probably the thick fog around us that had muffled my lung. I could only watch as they crossed the threshold of danger. The expected free-fall did not happen, for they stood perpendicular to the wall of the pit; as if the circular edge were a sort of portal that made the vertical horizontal, and the horizontal vertical; A threshold to a world perpendicular to ours. They entered the gate.

The girl had a spasm, as if thoughts and consciousness had just manifested in her. She tried to struggle, but it was too late. She turned and tried to climb back towards me, but the realization seemed to have lifted the magic the threshold did to her, she fell into the swallowing wave of fire.

Horrified, I screamed. The scream that came out of my mouth that was never a sound became a force, a buoyancy that lifted me up; my sight, anyway. I was looking down upon myself, and everything drifted further from me. Myself, the ground, the chaos, the terror… Until everything was pitch black, then I woke up.

-END-

*************************************************************************

Yes yes, nothing makes sense in the story because it's all a dream. Not mine, but Celestia's. She told us about a dream that she was brought to witness hell, and how a girl was led into the burning hole... And also she saw Michael Jackson dancing in it. LOL! So it was stuck in my head and I had to write this. It probably wasn't the way she saw it, but I imagined it that way.

Taking Over - Chapter 1

2011-12-31T09:48:00.013+08:00

The wind was strong, a branch from the hemlock spray erected by the house was slapping wildly at the glassed double hung as they unloaded the last box of Rachel’s belongings to join the abundant rest. “Ah… thank you so much for helping me move baby! Now, now, you deserve this!” She tenderly kissed his masculine cheek, passionately inhaling the manly scent that suggested a mixture of sweat and warmth while moving her lips towards his. “Ouh!” He playfully bit hers. They both laughed and sank onto the mahogany wood panels, in exhaustion, side by side.

Amidst the sea of brown card boxes, their colours were like an island. An island built with love and care, fusing as one. Rachel was contented. She looked at the ceiling, it stared back; this is bliss she thought, excited about the wave of perfection that was going to hit her life. She turned to face him, he was beautiful just the way he was. No pretence, the calmness and the firm grip of eye lids that shut out the world around him; the way the nose arched so proudly above the unimportant issues revolving about them; and the lips that she understood and familiarized so well… She irresistibly ran her dainty fingers across his wide chests; playfully fondled his sensitive nipple which made him let out an uncontrollable moan and turned at her almost instantly. He grabbed her hand and looked at her, “Mmm… I like the way the Sun lights up your hair, it makes you shine like an angel” said Henry while brushing her blonde silk. His voice was deep and slow, and the sound of it secured her. Rachel smiled with a contentment that she knew was from the very insides of her.

That was it. No more traveling an hour by train to the magazine publishing firm; no more daddy and mommy at the breakfast table; no more smell of pancakes with bacon grease awaiting the moment she runs downstairs; no more creepy Johnny from the next door (thank god); no more shared bathrooms. But finally, freedom! And more Henry!

**********

*Ring ring* Rachel did her final touch on the salad and stumbled to the hallway still clad in her apron, she was just in time to see Henry welcoming their colleagues through the door. Melissa yelled, “I brought you wine! Gorgeous home bitch! I’m so jealous!!!” Rachel made a face at her zany best friend and received her usual ass-grabbing hug. Melissa was always the center of attention (by intention), a strong head and one who never grew out of her teenage rebel but nevertheless an endearing good friend, at least to Rachel.

When the guest list was all ticked, dinner was served; everyone made polite comments awkwardly to the food still struggling through their esophagus, much to Rachel’s hopeful beam. After the not so anticipated dessert, Henry bid everyone a friendly goodbye. “AWW! Why the hurry? You’re not even drunk!” demanded Melissa. “Which is why I better run before you shove that bottle down my throat!” Henry chuckled. “Nah, got to bring my mother to the hospital for a checkup early tomorrow, enjoy yourselves!” Rachel rushed to fetch his coat and bat her eyelids to signal for a kiss, he succumbed to her seduction.

The night was followed with many rounds of booze and cigarettes, nobody was allowed to leave sober. It was 2 a.m. when Rachel’s supervisor left as the last guest and Melissa decided to just crash at Rachel’s couch. Both pink on the cheek they talked about things nobody can remember today, but it sure was funny because they couldn’t stop laughing.

After a long silence Melissa casually asked, “Hey Ray have you ever tried popping some pills?”. Rachel threw her a WTF face “NO? C’mon of course not! Ew?”. “Wanna try some?” asked Melissa in a pretentiously seductive voice. “Nope! Mel!?” Rachel straightened up her face but only her best friend could read the forcefully hidden curiosity in her gullible eyes. Mel grinned mischievously at her and stretched to grab her purse. “Okay, I’ve got some Foxy and weed here. Don’t worry I’m here and I’ll have you under control alright?” Rachel rolled her eyes and scooched over to Melissa’s side, only half reluctantly.

The heavily eye-lined woman reached down her purse and pulled out a transparent packet, one that is usually used for prescription. She stuck her bony forefinger in to lure 2 red pills out and gave one to the nervous lady beside her. They smiled excitedly at each other, “What do I do? What am I expecting?”. “Just gulp it down with water, and you will know what you are supposed to expect. But wait…” Melissa took out her iPod and turned on her techno music collection, “this will do just the trick!”. Her head nodding to the beat rebelliously.

Pointlessly considering, Rachel stared at the tiny bright red tube on her palm. It cried “Fuck it, just swallow me!” to which she obeyed following her best friend’s lead. Melissa rolled the weed, smoked and passed it to her. Rachel took a deep sucking, choked, took another and instantly felt her living hall spinning and skipping to the gradually louder music. She felt buzzing all over her torso, a ticklish sensation in her vagina that had hoped for Henry, at that thought she laughed goofily. They danced like they were younger, they danced according to the instructions the music told them, the hands, now the legs, now spin your head.

And then Rachel woke up alone in the hall naked, the sunlight through the window blinded her privates. She sat up and mumbled something she couldn’t make out herself, and got ready to live her regular Sunday as a responsible grown citizen.

**********

She phoned Melissa several times to zero avail, “Bitch must be too hung over to get out of bed”. Rachel thought she’d just talk to her at work, she wondered many things; why was she naked, why wasn’t Melissa around…

Henry came to pick Rachel up at 8, they arrived at the office 15 minutes later. Passed the main entrance, the marble flooring, the magnificent elevator, then the department’s access door, but Melissa’s seat was empty; as usual she would come later than everyone else. Tick, tick, it wasn’t until lunch was Rachel worried at her bestie’s absence. She didn’t enjoy her salami sandwich, nor did she entertain the Henry sitting across the table; her ears were glued to the phone that only gave her the disappointing beeps and answering machine. Rachel had never felt so eager for the hour hand to point at 5, she decided to beg Henry to take her to Melissa’s apartment after a quiet and heavy-hearted dinner. She told him everything on the way there, she was surprised that Henry wasn’t about the pills.

There they were, looking up at the aged architecture. The grand building looked and smelled like it had a touch of history. While Henry was made to stay in the car to leave them privacy, she knocked on 912. Rachel saw a shadow casting over the eye hole but the door did not open. “Mel I know you’re in there! I saw you looking through alright! Please open the door what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me?” The lighted eye hole turned black again, and this time the door cracked narrowly, not enough to show anything but a glimpse of a very messy interior. “Hey Mel! I’d missed you! What happened?” “ YOU happened! I knew that the drugs was a mistake! You almost killed me!” “The last thing I remember was us dancing around like crazy bitches, what do you mean I almost killed you?”

Melissa swung open the door, covered in bruise. Rachel gasped. They were both in tears, “did I do this?” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I just need some time away from you. The sight of you freaks the hell outta me now. I need to rearrange the image I had that night… And the things you said… You were a completely different person! It was more than just the drugs!” She then slammed the door shut, leaving a horror-struck Rachel at the dimly lit corridor. Confused and scared, she slowly dragged her cold feet back to the car. Henry held her hand but they did not speak that night.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Benny Stood.

2011-12-02T00:32:00.014+08:00

He stopped to pant, gasping to take in enough air to force oxygen into his bloodstream; his quadriceps needed them desperately. It was in an office building, the light was a dim lime green but bright enough to make out a stretch of hallway that runs toward a concrete wall. Benny felt his heart at his stomach, for it sank. "Nowhere to run to. Nobody to go to." It was late, nobody would be around unless the sleeping guard woke up to check his procrastinated duty; if Benny was lucky. 7, 8... 6... What floor is this? Benny tried to remember, he didn't know how many flights of stairs he climbed, he didn't count because there was someone behind him. Someone chasing after him, armed. Someone, who was closing in. Someone, whose annoyed footstep could be heard behind the door Benny just locked an inch away.

The annoyance wouldn't keep him long. The lock was only but an obstacle, not a deterrent. He frantically tried every other doorknob along the corridor, hoping for a forgetful last-to-leave. "Crack!" on the 4th try, a door opened. Benny smiled in his misery, at the thinnest chance of hope. With no time to lose, he closed the door behind him just in time to hear a loud bang outside. The killer was through!

"Fuck! Imma be dead!". He traipsed the room for an exit to no avail, then his adrenaline brought him to pace around in a panicky way. A shadow could be seen running by, from the glowing gap beneath the door; then turned back and stopped at the entrance. This was it!

The emergency drove Benny to dive under a desk, one of the few with their seats facing the door. And lucky for Benny, with a covered back; but unlucky for Benny, other than that important 3 inches off the ground. Think fast! With all the energy his limbs could still provide, he held himself up against the inner sides of the desk; much like ninjas in the movies, just not as effortlessly. There was another loud bang, a shadow was cast in a frame of lime green in the pool of dark room, stretched to the angle of light. Click, click. With the footstep its leather Blüchers brought, its shadow slowly emerged from the gap under the desk, peering at Benny; as if it could really see him. There is something about assassins that send that chill down your spine, when they toy with your last minutes. Benny willed his breath to silent.

The dangerous figure glided in like a provoked swan, its head turning side-to-side to take in the darkness; suspicious yet elegant. He stopped when the tip of the expensive cowhide leather soles came close enough to flirt with the desk. A warning silence followed, for what felt like a long minute of hesitation, he turned and disappeared with a click of the broken latch.

He waited for a reasonable while to climb out, then Benny stood. He sighed in relief of his temporary survival, half worrying for the next ambush, which was sooner than he'd expected. A husky chuckle cracked behind Benny's ears, the assassin never left the room. Benny was only allowed enough time to turn to face his death. Well, Benny stood.

- END -

__________________________________________________________________

Okay! Sorry for the almost depressing short story. Just in case of plagiarism, this was not cited from anywhere, it's all written by me. It's an inspiration I got from my dream, I made a huge mistake in the dream and half asleep I thought someone was coming to kill me because of it. But since I was half asleep, I wasn't really dreaming so I woke up and wrote this.

A Farmer

2011-11-08T03:09:00.001+08:00

I was a farmer with a prosperous farm.

Life was good, I married my love by the barn.

On a cheerful dawn, I lost her to a prolonged illness.

I wept at the grave every evening, just beside the farm.

One gloomy night, a pair of gleaming eyes glowed at me.

I followed through the blur the tears clouded my eyes

I found a tree hole full of gleaming eyed rabbits.

I left them a piece of carrot and I left.

They fed on the carrot and came for more.

Herds and swarms of rabbits; white, brown and patterned rabbits.

They dined and broke their fast in the farm like a plague.

But I did not shoo them away,

for there was something about how the ears wiggle.

My farm was plagued and deteriorating.

But there was nothing I could do,

for I lured the rabbits with carrots,

I welcomed them into my backyard.

I watched, that's what I could only do...

As they nibbled and feasted on my crops.

I sat and waited, until my blood clogged me to death.

For then I could join my wife in her waiting bed.

The farm shall wither, the rabbits shall starve.

Until they find another farm,

Kill the farmer's wife and plague his barn.

STILL

2011-11-07T05:16:00.008+08:00

One may define the word as an event that goes on after a precise moment, but here I see to have it meant "motionless". More precisely, e-motionless, emotionless.

No, I am not happy. I smile to the good skies, at an ample meal, to a loving friend, "Alas! even to a beautiful stranger!"; I laugh at humours, sometimes my zany self and events that stir my interests. But, I am not happy, not genuinely. Neither the antonym, nor am I sad. For if in every heart there was a reservoir of sorrow, mine may be too shallow to overflow the tear ducts. One may suggest it must be a mistaken feeling! It has to be the wrath wraith with a tantrum living in my head; opposing to that I must say, there is nobody to be raged at except myself. Though, I must confess a narcissist may love oneself too much for that. The faults begone, and good riddance with a good forgiveness!

I often thought of dark times, past grey periods of time; and how seducing the thoughts were: As if a magnet, it pulled me in, a limb metallic Tin-Man; I might as well float into the spiralling inferno just as Alice fell the wonderland. Then, I awoke from the sweet dampening slumber or rather, a nightmare? A nightmare that strikes one in the head: a reminder of the abundance of events in the near former times, post-prior; good and bad, well mostly bad.

I sit in the luxury room, horrified. In my swirling skull, a painful pin dropped and rang me a gruesome death, like a steaming envelope delivered by Gabriel. My heart pounds, my feet shiver. Though if one could look me in my horrendous eyes, no fear would reach out for my soul is as calm and rich as the lake during a windless dusk; if it's true the eyes were the windows to one's soul.

May the wind be strong, so my soul could borrow a lift through the hollow panes!

Carelessly however ruthless it would sound, I blame Christ for this STILL. For due to Him I can't feel through this chaos, this catastrophe. As if I was a cow, uprooting the youngest sprouts when meteorites hit its barn and burn the fat farmers into dust. On second thought, "thank" maybe a better substitute of a finer vocabulary.

No. No. I am not rejoicing, I thought I'd already mentioned that?! This is not peacefulness, for my heart skips on uneven limbs! This is not sorrow, my eyes are as dry as burning coal! This is not fury, though occasion tantrums may be thrown in one's private chamber, but only out of boredom! This is not the hollow feeling that arises in one with too much time to spare, definitely not! What is it?!

This is just an utter solemn scary quietness. Emotionless and it continues to plateau downward with an asymptote at 'sadness'; like a shy maiden flirting with a handsome woodchuck. At the end of the day, I sink into this nothingness.

Well, one may live in pain and itch, with boils and scales, but beams at the Moon for her beauty. For the fairness reminds one of purity and zen; the innocence of a child that walks the path its father tends.

Abrupt End.

Winning

2011-11-04T16:43:00.006+08:00

Hey guys, no more apology cliches about not updating my blog frequently enough... People get busy, or rather, lazy at times. So anyway, what's with winning?

For the first time in my self-centered life, I am writing about someone else than myself. Yes, it's about a half-friend of mine. What is a half-friend you ask? It's a friend, but not really a friend; one you say hi to but not more than that. Well, sometimes more than just that but you get me!

I am going to vaguely describe the following statements as not to offend anyone directly, but not so vague you don't figure out what I am saying. Oh wait, now I think I am going to offend a few people if they read this, because suddenly I realize there are a few who are exactly like that.

Anyone of you came across people who just can't bear to lose? By that, I mean they always wanna be the center of attention, the funniest and wittiest with the best comebacks all the time. Such that when someone crosses them, they react in such explosive way that they appear loser-ish.

It's just weird?

Okay, more specifically...

Once upon a time, a few friends were hanging and one may have made a joke lightly insulting (if the statement could be true) the winner, everybody laughed; Yes, the winner was there almost uninvited. The winner obviously couldn't take it and almost pee'd the pants, one may imagine: in an explosive manner. If one remembers correctly, the winner stood up uncontrollably as a kid would if a tantrum was required. Some comeback attempts were made but to no avail.

Of course, the winner wouldn't let it be and attacked the joker with an insult, obviously trying to embarrass the joker for revenge, publicly. It was so outrageous silence abruptly fell, not that anyone was eager to uncover the reply; but more of shock and disbelief of the insult itself. How ruthless! Indeed, the motive of the insult was indisputable since there was no fun whatsoever that could be brought up from any prospects, it was merely a lame suggestion.

That is the end of the story, everyone lived happily ever after.

So, I don't see the enormous deal in winning a battle of who's got a better comeback. When you hang out with friends, it only matters what fun is made out of it; Not who's making the fun.Why bother, it only makes you look like a fiendish child-ghoul throwing an embarrassing tantrum, not to mention pointlessly. Take it easy and know your boundaries, don't invite hatred because it does you nothing but no good.

I am not trying to scare you but this, my dear, is war.

Okay I am totally just trying to scare you. BYE!

Thus It Ends

2011-09-26T01:43:00.001+08:00

Good morning middle west siders, summer may not come to an end any time soon on this tropical land; but its break definitely has. It's time to pack your school bags with tools and gadgets, and tie knots on your shoe laces.

They say time flies when you're having fun, I'm guessing it must feels like you are teleported here from 4 months back. Though, good or bad, things await. Many lies ahead, will this year strive or dive? I don't know but I just can't wait to uncover the mystery.

So heigh-ho pirates! It's time to tighten up that armour and raise that sword, war is ahead and the enemy does not rest. Kiss your holidays goodbye, or your summer flings, literally.

COLOURS

2011-08-18T20:31:00.003+08:00

Years back when I first learned of the mechanism of impulse transfer from the retina at the back of our eyeballs to the brain, a random thought occurred: what if the vision of our world is individual?

One look at the sentence doesn't make too much sense. Well, in other (longer) words, it means our brains percept different colours as different colours, and it varies individually; but we all can agree to one term for that colour (although percept-ed differently by our brains) that we see, because somewhere in your childhood someone said blue when you pointed at the sky and green at the grass.

Say, this colour. Yes, everyone (who is not colour blind and/or extremely stupid) would contract the front and back of one's neck muscles consecutively, resulting in a front-back tilting motion of the head if I said it's red. Ok, I just made nodding sounds so retarded. Anyway, make me the base, the center of the entire revolving universe; therefore what I see and only what I see is correct. So I see this colour, my brain percepts this colour. I say it's red. But when you look at this colour, your brain percepts.. say this colour. But we all agree it's red! That's because when your kindergarten teacher pointed at that colour, she told you it's red. So whenever your brain sees this, you think it's red.

Imagine all the colours stuffed into a juicer and you switch it on. OMG now everything you see is not how everyone else sees it! Your "normal" world would look so scary to everyone else! HA!

Though, I love how my world looks now because it's beautiful. Which brings us to this next point: it's the brain's perception that decides one's happiness. You may live in a world that looks muddy brown and grey to everyone else, but you can love it and embrace it as if it's of purple and pink and all those girly colours. You can live in a world of what looks like a burst of colours of rainbow and lollipop and chewing gum and cotton candy, but still be sour because you'd prefer your neighbour's new bought carpet than your old, worn-out dog-peed one.

Oh well, it's just a random thought in a random evening to fill up my blog. TATA!

A Hungry Misconception

2011-08-12T15:09:00.002+08:00

Hey internet, the months of summer break have been great. Travelled up north to Penang a couple of times and Bangkok too. You can read bits of the Bangkok trip at Kate's blog. It was awesome but kinda disappointing since we didn't get to club there. Next time you go to Bangkok, MAKE SURE you go any time other than their Buddhist lent season because no club opens during those few days. Sucks. Other days have also been awesome, shopping and chilling and just resting at home feel so quality-spent.

Anyway, this is what happened the other day:

I went to Pavilion to spend some money since I am rich like that. (okay I am totally just kidding, I went there for a haircut) And like I would any other normal day, I bought a drink from CHATIME to sip while I walked to the car. Then I passed by a group of youngsters, of course apparently Muslims and one of them snarled "tu-lah, minum air" (reads: there, drinking water) with such exclamation and dissatisfaction.

I felt this instantaneous wrath burning, no, exploded in me. I was angry because he thinks I should hide my drinks like a thief, angry because he expects me to not drink even though I am thirsty. One (particularly an ignorant Muslim who has inadequate religious knowledge) would argue "hey, I am thirsty too! Why can't you do what I am doing?". Well, that's because I eat pork and you don't. I am not a Muslim and I do not need to fast. I can drink and practice what I do any other day.

You should have no problem with that since that's what your religion preaches. And also, that's like the entire point of fasting, no? To experience this and that and what not? I don't think fasting's lame but it's lame that you whine about other people not fasting because you're hungry/thirsty/horny/simply-being-an-ass. It's lame because you think everyone else should change their way of living for you. Guess what, we don't. At least I won't.

There was this encounter years back. Oh yeah, we go way back Muslims who don't read your Qurans. Anyway, I was in primary school and A KID. I went to the tuition centre just so that I could drink my bottle of water in front of a very thirsty teacher. FUCK YOU? I went there for tuition, and like any thirsty non-fasting kid would, I drank. The teacher stopped abruptly and humiliated me in front of the entire class, pretending that I was the uncouth and ruthless inconsiderate one. As if I just brought char-siew into the class and eat while exclaiming how tasty and crispy it is, and even if I did so (minus the exclaiming part) it should be fine. It's your problem you don't eat pork, I don't see my grandma yelling at me when I eat beef?

Of course, when I feed, I don't do it just so you feel hungrier and thirstier. What even makes you think I'd be that lame? I don't do it purposefully to remind you of the tenderness of that slice of chicken thigh and how refreshing a glass of chilled coconut water can be. But! I don't see the need to avoid binging on a burger when I am hungry. I don't see the need to turn a corner from you just so I can chew like a thief. I don't see the need to expect a snarl and an awkward stare. I see the need for you to understand what fasting is all about. If you are not happy with it, don't fast and expect the consequences (God knows what).

But please, this misconception has to end. Just because you're fasting, it doesn't and shouldn't affect the non-Muslims. We still have to live our lives like any other day, unaffected. It should not affect us like the traffic on MRR2 every Friday. I am sorry, I am definitely not a racist but I can't help but feel unfair about all these. I am not a hater, I am just a citizen who is unhappy with the Malaysian culture-of-instability. And saying "Go back to China" only makes you look retarded. How can I be from China? I was born and bred here, why don't you hear me yell "Go back to Indonesia"? I mean, Parameswara WAS from Indonesia, no? But the traffic congestion near the mosques is just bizarre, why is there no parking lot built nearby? Why churches and temples don't cause traffic like that? Why are cars allowed to park on one of the lanes on A HIGHWAY? Who builds a mosque along the highway???

Well, back to the point. How come I don't hate everyone who eats prawn when I have my allergies? How come I don't stare heatedly at my friends when they gnaw on a juicy piece of tenderloin but I can't because I have high uric acid? How come? How come you never think of how I can handle all these religiouslessly, but you can't, religiously? Think about your state of mind and then regret when you said "tu lah, minum air". Repent dude, repent...

Also, the fasting month ads on 8TV can perform cunnilingus on my grandmother. What the hell? What is even the point of those ads? It's your fasting month, it's like Christian's lent season before Easter. It's supposed to be a solemn and religious month, FOR YOU. Come on, deal with it like a real Muslim. Stop whining like a bitch. Please!

Eclipse

2011-06-16T17:19:00.001+08:00

What eclipse?

Harry Potter in ONE word

2011-06-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

So there is this clip of HP casts summing up their experience with HP in ONE WORD. Here you go!

It's really heart-warming, right? Not that I am much older but I kinda 'watched' them grow up.

Lookie how tiny they used to be and they are all grown up now *wipes tears blows nose dramatically*. Back then when they were still virgins...

Anyway, back to the video... It was so funny when (was it Dumbledore?) Dumbledore described it "Good", complete epic-ity. It's so rare to see an old man with such humour-awesomeness (well, unless he meant it literally). And did you guys hear the other twin say "Boring" when another twin said "Great"?! Fred & George FTW! XD

I got the clip from this page of GossipGirl.net, do check it out especially the comments! It was so funny I totally L'edOL! There people went commenting serious shit like 'breathtaking' and 'epic'... then there was this who said "OVERRATED"! HAHAHA!!! Okay don't talk to me anymore if you're not laughing already.

So, what would your Harry Potter one word be? Do leave it at the comment box down below! (like any of you ever do *rolls eyes*) Mine would be... MORE!!!

Broken...

2011-05-31T17:57:00.000+08:00

... is the summer! It's my favourite season of the year, again! Now I can sit home and do nothing, the precise routine I've been dreaming of since... just now. Just kidding!!! There are tonnes and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of things that I have vowed to do this holiday. Of course they include gym and painting, the longest and most dreadful procrastinations I've had in my life, so far. Well, apart from the sex change I wanted since 5. Wow, it's been 18 years? I could have had so many periods already, what do you mean sex change doesn't give you menstruation?!

Since it's the beginning of a such a happy 4 months, let's kick it off with an appropriate entry! What more appropriate and accommodating than... death? Just kidding, but seriously...

One of my mom's cousin just died.

I did not attend the funeral, nor do I know who exactly that is. I am sure I have seen him during CNYs, which means our rendezvous accumulation definitely does not exceed 23; still, he is a person who kinda grew up with my mom and aunties and uncles. Not very long before that, another mom's cousin (what do I call a mother's cousin? uncle once removed? meh.) died of cancer, it spread to his face and it was stretched out from the tumour. Not that it is funny that he was suffering but it is funny that he reminded me of Voldemort, his nose was so stretched that it appeared flat on his face. I shudder at the thought. *please don't haunt me tonight please don't haunt me tonight oh wait please don't haunt me any other night*

But what is death but absence? That time, that door, that chair, the ones once occupied are now empty. That unique unintentional noise, that familiar smell, that recognisable laughter, that predictable argument, have now become memories that fade with years. The only presence can only occur in thought and dreams.

I think, death is contradicting. It is neither to be taken too seriously, nor can it be taken at all lightly. Like it or not, one is bound to lose someone at some point to death, but if one does not move on then SNAP! well... he snaps. But there are so many who take it so lightly, they play God like my 6 year-old cousins play house. They take life, others' and/or themselves'. But what comes after that slice, that leap? Endless, thoughtless darkness? Or eternal agony from the burning furnace they call hell? I don't know, I love the sound of neither.

If only life is like blood, given and received the same way one donates it to patients in need. Perhaps one can gift the unwanted years to those who still want to live but can not. Nobody is happy about everything. My mom is not happy about her wrinkles and her annoying son; My cousin is not happy about his face; Celestia is unhappy about her inability to win me over tetris battle; I am unhappy of a lot more things. But what keeps us alive? I have a feeling that it must be love, and maybe an ounce of hope. At least, for me it is.

My cutting habit, those dark times I wish will never come again. It left visible scars on my wrist and arm, and no I am not proud but I am not ashamed of them. I did not want to die, just to clear the air. I wanted to, but I didn't want to; I had the urge but I was still rational to still want to be alive. And I think the invisible hands that pulled me back from that leap of stupidity were my mom's and friends' and family's, and God's. I imagined the pain they'd have to go through if I am gone, and it is more agonizing than what is compared to be a pinch I was and still is biting my teeth through.

Friends, whatever you are going through, whatever incurable disease you have, whoever left you, however many homework you owe the school, please stay strong and fight through.

LOLMAOROFL. Okay time for cheerful thoughts! Unicorn! JBieb! Okay totally not helping. Urgh.

I am not usually gloomy and serious like this, but I attended an evangelism talk about committing suicide Celest&Jo-ann brought me days ago, and well therefore all the above doodling. And also to pass the time so that I can avoid the jam on my way home. Randomness in the computer lab. Bah! It's only been half an hour... Guess I'll just play tetris, or shall I go home...

Sorry, photo-less lengthy entry again. Will update with better illustrated entries throughout the holiday!

School Bullies in Malaysia

2011-05-11T01:59:00.002+08:00

I guess the recent hoo-ha of the 'haircut bully incident' in SMK Raja Abdullah has brought upon attention to many Netizens, prompting responses with much rage. If you haven't, here are some clips you ought to watch.

From a high fashion expert's point of view, as it appears in the clips, not only her hairstyle was changed drastically, they also tried to modify her outfit. A hideous whore was seen trying to wrap her tie over the victim's face thinking it would be the next trend setter after Usamimi Headbands. Main concern of the entire incident is: Will they succeed in their fashion and hairstyle career? I bet 10 ringgit they won't.

On the more serious contrary, the victim described to have been bullied on a daily basis. F Her L. Whilst being an oven-fresh news since a few days ago, comments are already infesting blogs and Facebook pages expressing the Netizen's hatred towards these 4 sluts.

Clockwise from top left: Spaghetti, Trendy (how?) Babe, Mandy, Only-Love "insert chinese name".

I bet she loves bolognese sauce all over her. Diiirty spaghetti slut. ;)

I have no idea why they did what they did, probably out of fun. But most probably IMHO, because the victim was different. How different exactly? I guess pictures eventually give a better picture.

Ok, totally not my intention to insult *snort* but she isn't exactly normal looking. I mean come on before anyone punctures my tire, I am just being frank here. I know it's kinda rude and I pray she won't ever come across my blog, but hey she is not someone you'd peck on the cheek out of adoration? Well, not that I'd peck any of the 4 chicks anyway.

Believe it or not, that's the case in many schools. Well heck, I can boldly say this happens in every school. Maybe not as outrageous as changing people's hairstyles, but timid loners are bullied in many different ways; Verbally and physically. Any difference in acting, speech, skin colour, looks, you'd be discriminated. Bitches gonna hang and bitch about you. Jocks are gonna throw their sweaty balls into your pimple-pulsating face. You're gonna walk through your high school thinking the world is never going to be any good and you're the worst kinda shit they can find a toilet bowl.

I know because I was right there. Sitting in that chair that victim was sitting in, in a matter of speech.

New friends may think I must have been one of the popular ones, hanging with cool dudes. But I was threatened; called names; had my family members cursed and my mom called prostitute (NOT TRUE); thrown at with rotten bread, papers, leftover hair from discipline checks, basically anything from the ground; things stolen; etc.

There was once a bitch took my table and claimed it was hers, I had to ask a teacher to claim it back. Okay I know that doesn't exactly spell victim but still that bitch started it! (btw she cried =D) And it was a big deal because my table was the only clean one because I cleaned it. Then the worst was when a guy reached his hand into his pants, rubbed his privates and rubbed on my face. That was after sports... motherfucker! And quite widely known at that point I was a clean fanatic.

All these started in form 2 when I dropped class for the first time of my life, and never really ended until I left school. Things turned better when I went to form 3 and had my own group of friends, but then I became a prefect and an inevitable aim for insults and bullies. Well, to be fair (not really) I was very sissy and that was one huge bully magnet; because they know you ain't gonna strike back.

High school has been hell to me; never really had any good memories to go on by, not that I remember much from it at all, probably my brain auto-deleted most of the nightmare. I had always told my closer friends that I really want to relive my secondary school years, not because I miss it, but I missed it. I feel like I've missed out so much of wonderful stuff that could have been beautiful and memorable, if I was not a bully victim. If I was happier, maybe I would have been someone different, ~~maybe I wouldn't have been a cutter~~.

Guys, and bitches, school-bullying is uncool and it can and will leave an impact so huge on the victims they may not be able to stand back up and live a healthy life. Please, the next time you are about to pull someone's hair or throw cat poop on someone's head, think again. Do you really want to be that person everybody hates in movies and on facebook? More accurately, do you want to be her?

P/S: If you ask me, I think the victim's new hairstyle may just be the new hit in salons!

Crazy Dreams

2011-05-08T05:19:00.001+08:00

Hey, sorry haven't been blogging much (at all) lately. There were so many academic responsibilities I was (supposed to be) busy with! Assignments, assignments, assignments, and exam is next Friday. And things are still not completed/prepared at all OMG!

If you follow me on twitter (and hadn't blocked me), you'd know that I had an on-off fever for almost 3 weeks. I think it was because of my throat infection, trust me it was really bad. I literally couldn't swallow my own saliva. Well look at bright side, at least I lost some weight from it, I am now 59kg! *cheers and applause*

So the question is: Do you have strange dreams too when you get sick? For me, it is always the same dream. And with no fail each time I get sick, I get them. It is almost impossible to verbally explain what the dream is about, because it is nothing that you'd see or hear IRL. I am not even sure if I "saw" them in the dreams or did I just imagine them while dreaming...

Well I shall try my best! It is like something that I feel with my entirety, as though it is in me, or rather, IT is ME! The dream would start with me feeling balanced, and to be balanced seemed to be the utmost priority in the dream. It was as though any otherwise would rip the entire world apart. Well, to provide you guys with some visual (which does not really visualise in the dream, but it felt to be that way) there were 2 balls, both in a "peaceful" state. That would go on for a while, then the nightmare began. One of the balls would get furious and began to swell, expanding like an angry balloon. There would be nothing I could do, but feel the wrath from that expanding ball, its "emotions", angry and terrifying. The 'expansion' would go on and the only few words to describe the 'situation' would be... chaotic? havoc? catastrophic? I don't know, what I do know, is that it was scary because everytime I wake up from it I'd be panting and my heart would beat like a motherfucker.

However, there has been a twist in my recent fever-dreams. Instead of 2 balls, now I dream of numbers. But everything is similar. The first time, I was supposed to handle 3 numbers; I had to manipulate them to make up 1 million. So I made them all into 30 thousands and let them well, "expand" on their own. Everything was fine until something messed up the system, I had to recalculate. But I made a mistake and let one be 40 thousands. So the bigger number expanded and it was impossible and... I don't know how to explain this anymore. (I am actually trying to recall the dream right now) Oh well, it kinda felt like the previous dreams. Then, I woke up. Without my own 'decision', I jumped out of bed and went to toilet, and then realized I was in the toilet. So I peed. But the entire time, from when I got out of bed, walked to the toilet, pee'd, walked around the dining table 3 times, got back into bed.... I was trying to calculate 1 million, with 5 thousands as a basic. I couldn't even think of such simple calculation and felt so stupid. But the entire time, I was just really terrified and anxious, and just in a total state of panic.

Then came yesterday, when I took a nap. I had the same dream again, but this time it was something to do with 20 thousands. I woke up, heart beating fast, panting and scared, and my entire brain was just so screwed up trying to do the calculation and my CONSCIOUS mind just couldn't stop the calculation going hay-wired back in my bed. I had to sit up, constantly telling myself "it's okay! it's okay! you don't have to do the calculation!" But my mind was thinking, I have to I have to I have to, I need to give him the calculation. So it felt like there were 3 people in the room. Me, my mind, and someone waiting for my results. Well, finally my conscious mind won and I stopped the calculation and came back to my senses. I don't know, sounds pretty lame now but it really was both strange and very very scary.

Not sure how many of you made it all the way down here, not sure if it means something to any of you. Or if you have the same thing going on... But do leave your comments down below!

That Place I Want To Live In

2011-03-23T01:20:00.006+08:00

"If you can live in a fictional place, where would you want that be?" I overheard on the FlyFm today. And it got me thinking for a bit but my attention was diverted (as usual) to something else.

Then it was the Nottingham Nature Club's movie night so we watched 'The Simpsons Movie', which I have only watched for a thousandth time. And L'edMAO a thousand times. But no worries my arse is still intact; very, if you ask me.

Anyway, back to the movie. It got me thinking, I really wanted to live in the fictional Alaska as Homer described and the movie portrayed. Come on, all you do is laze around, make snow angels, clap and cause blizzard to bury your yellow dad and they give you 1000 dollars upon entry. PLUS it's beautiful! Who wouldn't want to live in such a place?!

But then again, I am the kind that gets really bored all the time. Then it struck me, that one place that I really want to live in, is far far away. Yes, Far Far Away.

If you've watched Shrek you'd know what I'm talking about. If I have to elaborate, it is a town where you find magic and enchantment, talking animals and moving puppets roaming about like old Asian people roam around supermarkets in LA during weekends shouting 'Ooohh! Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong! Ooohh!'.

Ehem. And where Belle gossips with Snow White about Aurora's snoring habit. Simply put, it is where thou shalt find the extraordinaries the ordinaries. A combination of fairy tales and reality, a place where I can settle in and still be amazed every single day! Every photo taken is Pablo Picasso! Just imagine the possibilities! Smoking shisha with Cat In Boots and being put into dungeon for raping Cinderella... Fascinating.

It just reminded me of how I used to have this too-prolonged thought years back, when I was obsessed with Ragnarok Online. Too-prolonged because sometimes I lost myself in deep thoughts, in which I couldn't be aware of my surrounding i.e. people calling my name from outside my head. Too lost in being the characters in the game, killing monsters for a living, magicking what not, joining armies of guilds and living in Prontera. I enjoyed those thoughts. Don't mistake me, I had a very happy childhood but it felt better than reality. Perhaps I am just the kind who needs a story to tell for my life.

So that's all for today's post. If there is a fictional place you can live in, where would that be? Don't be shy! Leave your comments down below!

My Lip Piercing

2011-03-19T16:17:00.015+08:00

I pierced my lip! Lower right. And I think it's awesome!

Of course, how could I ever escape from nasty (real life) comments and insults and disapprovals? Especially when I live in Malaysia, more so in a controversial Chinese-inflated society. But seriously, I don't care.

Okay fine, I am a little pissed at some friends who keep on making fun of me, again and again. Drop it please Celest it's been half a month already. I don't look like a cow! Urgh!

Alright, the point is I've looked pass it. "It" being other people's opinions and issues with whatever I do to myself. Everyone has a different opinion about everything! Say, that time when I dyed my hair blue, I got different feedbacks; some think I look good and others have a major issue with it. So why do I want to care about what others think? Whatever colour my hair is, some are gonna like it, others are gonna hate it. Since I will inevitably offend some people and favour others; I might as well do what I feel most self-favouring. Makes sense?

You ask, what about 'majority wins'? Oh yeah it does, but do I look like I care? Let the majority not pierce its lips and win! I am happy with my minor lip.

Come on, it's only another year until I have to start working (hopefully) in a multinational corp. which also means my china-man boss won't give me any increment as long as I have that piercing on. I can't ever dye my hair blonde, blue or any funky colour. Why can't you just let me be young for a while? You sure won't want to see me pierce my lips at the age of 60, do you? That'd be really gross, with denture cream leaking out of the hanging wrinkly lips you can hardly even see the stud/ring. So no, I won't pierce my lips when I am that old, I promise... Okay now I am feeling a little unsure of how long this promise will last, but hopefully forever! :P

**************************************************************

Note: The above was written a day ago from what's below.

So I bought a new lip ring and I tried taking out my lip stud few days ago but it got stuck when I mis-turned the cap in another direction. Today I tried my luck again and it came out! So I tried the lip ring on and to both my amusement and wrath the ring was just too big. It was so big all it did was to hang over my lip awkwardly. *frowns*

So now my lip is stud/ring free. I decided not to wear it because it left a quite visible scar under my lip and I hope it will heal soon. Let's pray. Oh Lord, with all your might and power, please close up that stupid hole I punctured on my lip. Amen.

Jewelery-free but spot the scar! D:

And for self-defence sake, to not contradict my 24-hour-interval statements : I did not take it out because others think I should. I took it out because I wanted to. Bah yeah I am rebellious like that.

You're Gonna FAIL

2011-03-17T23:49:00.004+08:00

"Whoa! Like that also don't know, you are going to fail lah!"

This is one fatal line lecturers should never say, but often say. A lecturer's job to convey the understanding of knowledge thereby fails miserably. I don't know if it's just me, or everyone too feels the way I feel: Discouraged.

I don't know, that'd probably motivate you? But I am certain at least half the class consists of people of my kind, i.e. the normal kind.

Maybe you don't think out loud "Oh damn! I am going to fail! I don't even know this! I should give up now". But somewhere in that tiny corner of your mind, too vivid and dark and unnoticeable, an evil subconscious voice is telling you that you should probably give up on this shit.

Say, you really really wanted to learn to cook spaghetti but you couldn't even tell the difference between Parmesan and Mozzarella cheese. Your evil step-mother told you to give up and you obeyed, you'd have probably missed the opportunity to become the world's greatest spaghetti chef. Butterfly effects, if you get what I mean.

I am not saying that the truth should be hidden, "OH you are absolutely doing fine! Go on! What do you mean you don't even know how to light a match? It's okay! Get into the jungle you'd be just fine!". NO! It is however, only a matter of approach, or rather speech! "Hey, you should first learn how to differentiate cheese and other stuff before leaping a step ahead!"

Lecture is more of communication than on technical matters. Regardless of their majors, lecturers have the same responsibility; It's like a salesman who sells apple and the other, orange; different fruits but their job is to sell it, only that they need to have a good understanding of the fruit.

I feel very strongly that one should really have an excellent if not adequate communicating skill. Not only they need to convey their knowledge from their brains to ours, they also need to stimulate us mentally. Well, not necessarily, a bad job done is still a job done, right? It depends how you look at it. If you're happy with a lecturer that can suck my toe nails, I'm happy that you're happy.

Now, I can almost materialize Jo-Ann from the thin air telling me, "hey you are 23 now, you still want to be spoon fed!?" She is probably right, but it's not really about me being spoon fed, or not. Many have this mentality that a lecturer only goes into a lecture hall and babbles notes and get it done, job done good-bye I'm off to lunch! I beg to differ. I might as well study on my own.

It is both irritating and disheartening when you're about to give in your all and you're told that you should really give up because you don't know something more basic than that. Not helping at all dood!! And you don't know if I am really going to fail, do you? There are things that I don't know, things I probably should have known a long time ago, but it's never too late. You can't tell students they're going to fail just because they don't know something BY NOW.

He'd probably think it was funny and cute and stuff. But no. It wasn't funny, let alone cute at all. Save it, just tell us what is "ZETA".

P/S: Mommy, before you pick up that phone to call to ask if my lecturer told me I am going to fail, save your credit. He did not but told the entire class.

P/P/S: No name mentioned. So Denny cannot sue me.

Head Start

2011-02-24T14:06:00.005+08:00

Hey guys, procrastinating?

I know, it's one of those things that put me in deep shit all the time too. In spite of so many other things, that is.

EXAMPLE 1:

Well if you know me, I'd be one of your neatest guy friend. But sometimes, laziness just looks too seductive laid beside being neat. Ehem! So despite that I hadn't cleaned my room for almost a year until yesterday! I know... But hey at least I cleaned it after a year!

EXAMPLE 2:

For the previous semester I handed in all my coursework late by days. Shut up.

EXAMPLE 3:

I only do my laundry when I have nothing else to wear but my mom's t shirts.

EXAMPLE 4:

I sometimes wish I have a record of traffic noise so I can play it to my friends when they call to rush me. :P

EXAMPLE 5:

I update my blog once a year. Just kidding!

EXAMPLE 6:

I have not taken lunch, but still blogging.

So yeah, that's about them that I can think of at the top of my head; though I am sure there are so many more. And with all seriousness, I blame it on chicken. Yes, chicken.

Chicken as in being a coward. Not all but so many times that I let it wait, because I was unsure of what was in there. "It's difficult" I would think, subconsciously. I didn't even dare to put one toe in it to test the water, "it may be cold". But I never knew, half the time the water was warm. It was just so easy, if only I started wading, I could have stopped waiting; in no time I would have swam across it. There is one cantonese saying, 整湿个头(zheng sap goh tao) that gives an impression of wetting your head usually implying to be already in it so might as well go with it. I think it makes so much sense!

Thus, I have found the cure for this lingering contagious disease!

Stop eating chicken! Just kidding.

Yeap you might have guessed it like the title mentions. A HEAD START! Once you get moving, just the first step and it would work like an inertia; you don't stop moving until you hit the finish line. Come on think about it, ain't it true? Yes there are times that we give up half way, but how many times out of that many times? Rare, at least for me.

There you go, head start. So stop waiting and just go for it.

And right now imma go get lunch! tata!

Life is Full of Regrets

2011-02-07T11:40:00.003+08:00

A glance at the title and another emo kid blogging, you think? But no, in fact I am the least emo kid around town. Well, despite the fact that I am no longer a kid. Omg, it just hit me that it's been 3 years since the day my long-lost-hot-friend Crystel and I acknowledged each other with our terror on the sudden prefix-2 for our age.

Many things have happened since then. So many that when I look back right now, from where I am, it appears only a blur. Well, where I am now is our university computer lab waiting for the next class, for that matter. Time flies like a mosquito when it comes to waiting.

Anyway, I am almost certain that everyone has regrets in life, somehow, somewhere, some time ago, some time later. Some regrets are hugantic, some are mediocre. It may probably be that time when you dressed up as a zombie to that party where everyone else dressed... well, normal.

It may be that other time you killed your arch nemesis... only to realize it was your father breathing heavily behind an ugly mask.

Regrets.

Surely, I too have too many regrets. So piled up from my childhood that when it haunts me when I leave my mind absent, emotions crawl back to bite me so hard I scream out loud, literally.

However, amidst all those mediocre and significant events, there is one... how shall I put it... ULTIMATE regret that I have. It was something that I did not so long ago and it is the biggest regret of my life. For cliche's sake, I wish I could go back and make a difference.

But no, there is no turning back and it will affect my life, my entire life. I am not even kidding. Well, there may be an alternate way but the possibility is as thin as the air, well ok, maybe a strand of pubic hair.

Though, I am not giving up on my life. There are too many things in life for me than to sulk and worry about what had already happened. And when you look at it, there are always something way bigger than that; and others have made it through them. I think happiness works in the most amazing ways, because one can be happy in the most disastrous state and vice versa. It really depends on the way you look at things.

Okay, this is a really abrupt end because it's 12pm and I am going to class like my nerdy friends a.k.a. Celest and Jo-ann. HAHA BYEBYE!

What a dumb-ass

2010-12-10T01:21:00.026+08:00

It's not nice, I know, to cyber-sneer at someone who is already dead. But he totally asked for it. If you don't already know what/who am I talking about, now you do! (you have clicked the link haven't you!)

Many of you must have heard, others may not. So there is this guy, with a very lala name Alviss Kong just to go with his hair. Very probably, he was dumped by his girlfriend over someone else very probably better looking and has less la-la hairstyle (or not), hence jumped himself to death from a 14th floor of one building, after writing that above-linked facebook last words.

Doesn't he look like a humiliating joke? Seriously, I swear a majority who read/heard about this tragedy are hit with first thoughts of how ignorant he was, instead of what an ungrateful whore his ex-gf was. What he thought was going to be republished for centuries in gold embedded letters and diamond framed cover, turned out to be a piece of re-recycled junk that will only be remembered for the coming, say, week!

What about the girl? She may suffer from insomniac torment for probably 3 quarter of a month; then have kids and live a wonderful life. Well, or she is drowning in her own bath tub now I can't really tell, but you get the idea: His death will not matter for long.

In other words, down the road, one fine day some guy will try to break the awkward silence on his first date,

"Hey remember that once there was this guy who committed suicide because his girlfriend left him?" "Who? Oh yeah! I do! He even posted a very ugly photo of himself crying"

"I know right, if I were him, I'd want my last photo to be hotter than streams of tears and nose discharge".

And yes if I were him, I'd want my last photo to be hotter than streams of tears and nose discharge.

People are not going to remember him by the Romeo who died for Juliet, but the nobody-Joe who died for an unworthy-who.

Already, discussions are held in forums, one reply nastier and more trashing than the previous. However fun to read, I hope the decease's family are ignorant about all these. I mean it's already insulting enough to have their son's worst shot of the year posted on the WWW; they don't need more criticisms to disturb their mourning (I almost typed moaning).

Really I must say, the winner goes to whoever that posted this snapshot:

"Why didn't you revenge before you killed yourself?"

I don't know why but I lol'ed

Then everyone else is giving lessons on a thousand different ways to call someone stupid.

“Sorry to say this but your friend just plain stupid"

"Alviss why u so stupid? u think is dota got agis?T.T R.I.P"

"did he donate his organ or not ? the blood alrady wasted.."

"huh, jumped down from where?"

"someone told him to belok kiri and.." ???

"Did he leave stuff for you?"

"btw.....if my fren wanna commit suicide, i will not just reply on fb.....so sad."

"His life will change forever if he meet Barney Stinson."

"It takes a lot of balls to suicide especially jumping of the building."

(I wonder how many balls he grew and crushed coming down like that)

"noob"

"Why u guise make fun of a dead ppl? i'm sure the spirit will haunt those who talk abt him.

"i believe even as a sprirt,he still is a coward"

"he should get back to school. terrible english"

All the above are quoted from lowyat.net.

Look, people don't sympathize you. That's the way the society works, the only way you trash a whore is to circulate nude photos, not jump off a building.

Swee Loo, why you overreact to this, you must be too free nothing to do. No, I still have a lot of homework to do (Damn damn damn damn. FML). It's just, I feel so strongly towards this because I've been there. I've been there holding that knife cutting myself because I felt like dead or alive does not make a difference.

But still never once, never a split second I really wanted to die. Because no matter how confused one can be, I know life is more than just boyfriends and girlfriends. Life has so much more that I just can't miss out, call me kiasu, or rather, kiasi, and I'd rather be.

Life is great. Life is more than just biology. Life is a gift once taken away can't be replaced. He ignited that wrath in me when he died because what he went through can never be any worse than what I had to go through. For all that I see, he was just an immature fuck who never cared about his mother. An attention seeking bastard that thought it was proud to die for a girl who probably has Herpes. There are people out there, struggling just to stay alive; they'd wish to be in your situation for a trade.

Well, too bad for you Alviss. Because when I go to Kapalai Island few weeks later, you will be, how shall I put it... still dead. I am breathing every molecule of air that nourishes my cells and drinking water that quenches my thirst and doing all these beautiful humanly routines, but I just don't know where you are going to be. You just don't exist anymore. Glorious food, parties and festivals and people, you have already waved all things good bye. And to top all things, when she gets married one day and have kids, you will still be dead. RIP, but honestly I don't think you ever will.

P/S: Yes, I'd been through some serious shit 2 years ago but I am thankful I am completely healed. God and family and friends and house mates have been gracious to me and they have helped me out of depression and self-harm. That my friend, is life.

Disclaimer: All photos are grabbed either from Alviss Kong's facebook profile or google images.

Update: omg it's really real!

My Friend Only Ran Over A Dead Body

2010-12-07T17:00:00.011+08:00

Good morning @ 5pm!!! After sleeping for 7 hours I certainly still feel like a zombie! :D

Fuck my biological clock, it's totally fried.

Anyway, you may remember my post about the federal highway accident and my friend who MIGHT have run over a body lying on the road; and if you don't it's only because you never read it (lucky for you it's only a post below :P).

Well, he didn't kill him. Yay! I am so happy he already died before that. Ah, that came out despicable. Let me rephrase that: I am so relieved my friend wasn't the one who caused his death! Well, sucks for a particular lorry driver that ran over him, he totally hit the jackpot!

Read the article here.

But anyway, do drive carefully. Even if you think you're smart but especially if you know you are stupid. Or that hare-brain is going to cost lives and 200 ringgit to replace my punctured tyre. No offence but fuck you Waja driver, dead or alive. No, not a necrophilia here. Ew.

UPDATE: Just woke up and mami shoved the invisible newspaper to my face. Turned out it was the Kancil's fault instead of Waja. Okay sorry Waja driver I un-fuck you now, and hope you recover from your injuries asap. Turns out Malay Mail is full of bullshit, instead of lorry it was then reported that SEVERAL cars ran over the body and caused his death. Like I said, when I passed by the body was in a horrendous mess. And Oops! My friend might be one of the several drivers who contributed to his death.

Xmas Dance + Dead Body

2010-12-07T04:26:00.005+08:00

Hey guys (that 5 that still visits my page, minus my mom)! Sorry about the unannounced hiatus. It's been... long enough!

So today, I received a call from Evelyn and I was (ehem) "needed" to participate in a dance performance for a church event during Xmas! Being a very nice person as you know I have always been, I said OK. So we learnt ball room dancing and it was really pretty cool! You count 1, 2, 3 and squad at 1 and 2 then jerk upward at 3! Not accurately, but that was more or less what we were doing.

After that we just hung at Taipan MacDee and everyone had large set meal with strawberry sundae! Okay fine, only I had large set meal with strawberry sundae. Shut up.

Like, a lot of calories later, after sending TY back home, after turning left from that road(doesn't matter which one) to Federal Highway, I witnessed a car crash. Well, not the car crash but only the aftermath but it was a really messy one. There were pieces of junks everywhere, like steel and glass and I wasn't sure what else.

Then I saw this body lying perpendicular to the highway, at the middle lane. I was that close to running over him (Note to self: Always use the fast lane). What a sight, the body was in such horrible mess that I couldn't really tell the head and the feet. Well to be fair it was kinda dark and he was covered in blood. I didn't really freak but then my (mom's) tyre got punctured by one of the unidentified pieces (could be one of the bones that flew outta the body).

I had to play Mr. Aahh on my phone for an hour until my friends finally came back to rescue me. Well they were way ahead of me because I had to fetch a princess back to her castle. Anyway, thank you guys!!! I really wouldn't know what to do without you guys! I'd sleep in the car on the highway and get murdered by motor gangs, or I could call my mom and have her yelling at the phone and my brain would explode; or she could kill my slowly with her nagging, each word would age me by a decade. Anyway, I'd still die. So thank you, you totally saved my life!

So that was about it. Later I think the accident victim died, Jimmy said he saw a black body bag. And... I have been hesitating to write it but one of our friends might have ran over the body because it was so dark. O.o MIGHT. MIGHT HAVE. No one was sure. But then he was on the middle lane and the body was on the middle lane so unless the car could jump over it which I doubt really but I don't think it's his fault anyway because well it was dark and there weren't any warning before that it could be anyone he was just the unlucky one but seriously no one can tell for sure.

Ok Bye.

My Life is Awful

2010-11-18T18:46:00.006+08:00

Hey guys! Ask me what happened?

Year 3.

And I don't particularly fancy the way it came without much warning. Not that I didn't expect its waking but really, I never thought it would be such a bitch; Especially when I've never been ~~hardworking~~ not lazy at all, throughout my roses of bed of a life.

Courseworks and labs and meetings and submission deadlines and movies-to-watch are piling up so high if they were matters and to tumble upon me you'd see 'bing bing mi guo' I had for late night snack squishing out my butt hole, with bits of seaweed and also very yummy. But oh please, spare me all these torments and flatten me to death!

I miss those days when I could just wake up and call it a day, study a month(or less) before the exam and get OK-ish results. Too bad, the only possibility to call for all that is only in past tense.

I've been missing submission dates and important classes and the lack of attentiveness in class is definitely not helping. Every time I go to class and I'd promise the imaginary angel on my right that I'd concentrate, but within 5 minutes I'd be dreaming with his archnemesis on my left. With so many cups to juggle in my hands I really don't know where to start and in no time I'd slip and let these cups shatter with my future. PANG!!! There goes it.

I know, it's not too late now. It's only more than half way through; I can do revisions and start completing those irritating courseworks and lite. research and whatever ABUNDANT shit needed to be wiped. Still, I am so filled with angst and every additional stress drives me off, and by off i mean insane, explosion, BOOM!

If there can only be a word to describe how I feel now, it would be: SATURATED.

Okay I am going to start, start, start doing now. I don't know what am I to do but I will just do them.

Working Smart vs Working Hard

2010-11-14T23:07:00.006+08:00

Disclaimer: This is just a blog entry, it may or may not be out of nowhere though it may or may not be out of experience. And I hereby am not saying I am not or am may be not possibly be a smart person. So no real statement is made! Tee Hee!

Hi smart and dumb asses! *waves frantically* :D

Why not a combination of both, you ask. Well it doesn't apply to this blog entry; the context has been designed in such a way that it has to be separate items in this particular virtual medium. In other words, suck it.

Having lived for 2 decades, I've seen a number of people who do things real slow but with much care, so much that it sometimes isn't necessary.

It's like cutting, say, a clove of onions. The hardworking ones cut them into precisely 1 millimeter cubed cubes, while smart people just don't bother and cut them into uneven sizes because the ONLY REASON cutting 'em smelly onions is to add aroma to whatever potion you are making. Well, if you're smart you'd have figured it out, whatever I am trying to say: Smart people do things knowing what are they for, un-blindly. Otherwise precious, or unless your life is pathetic then not-so-precious time can go to wasting, in mass and that's not sexy.

Well of course no one actually cuts onions to 1millimeter cubed cubes, that was just an example. I mean that'd be retarded, right? Okay on second thought if you really bother to cut them into equal sizes, no offence, but really, that's so dumb. No offence.

That just gave me a chill of horrid of what dumb blondes say all the time, "no offence" and many other words. I shall elaborate on the next entry! See ya for now! Good night!

So work it smart peeps. Alright work it hard too. Oooh! Sounds kinkeh!

Hey Celest!

2010-11-12T02:57:00.005+08:00

It's been 4 years since we have met and 3 since we lived under one roof. Okay I am not going to lie but at first I thought you were a nerd, but it turned out that you really are a nerd. HAHA jk! I really thought you were one of the better looking ones and I am offending a lot of other girls in our class right now.

LOL @ KangLing and Gates

I enjoyed (almost) every second spent with you, playing WORMS, trip to Malacca, movies in Balakong, dinners, tuitions that really saved my life, bitching in the living room(seriously, my favourite), jogging(that once, and then the other recent once at campus), pouring my heart out to both you and Jo-ann. etc etc etc... bla bla bla...

So yeah, I am totally glad to have you as my friend. And one who understood what I went through, I could tell because fervent tears were almost rolling in your eyes. Thank God for Celestia.

So happy 21st birthday! Hope you have a great one if you get what I mean and I know you do! :P Tee hee! And may things turn out the way you prayed for, and only good things happen in your life. My present for you this year, apart from a few of the many pages of that book we bought you, is my sincere friendship that I hope can last for a lifetime even post graduation.

Good night gonna sleep!

Malaysian Road

2010-11-01T17:28:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, it's me again. Today has been one of the worse days of my life, it started off bad, and then it got worse. Laziness has taken over the explanation so I shall just proceed to the orgasm.

I beg your pardon Malaysia! Your highways suck dick and I don't like it that you use too much teeth. Let's neglect the bumpy roads that we have already got used to; let's put aside the amount of money we all have paid not only to scum bags you know who, but also to fix our car alignment; let's just pretend that on every single road, be it manhole or drilled hole or butt hole are already filled so my grandmother doesn't pee-a-little when my car hits them. But I can't "let's close one eye that your highways are motherfucking scams"! I am not usually this vulgar (I actually am) but diu nia seng very much!

Have you ever took a wrong turning passed 2 tolls, 34 minutes for you to get back on the right track? "No" doesn't count if you only drive from your home to the grocery shop 2 blocks away/has only ONE route to take for your entire life which also happens to be very pathetic.

If you read my previous entry you'd know I missed a turning on the way to Ipoh and wasted (A LOT OF) time and money to get back. Today I sent my friend to CyberJaya and I missed another turning on the way to Semenyih. And I am not dumb, ok? I really am not, I am serious.

And even if I am dumb (which I really am not), it's still not my fault to have to travel so far just to get back on track. If there was a u-turn I wouldn't have to complain and the poor dumb asses infesting and breeding in Malaysia wouldn't have to waste 3/4 their lives on stranded highways and pay multiple tolls to go to each new place. It's the highways, the no-turning-back-highways: A filthy conspiracy to scam us handsome drivers, to pay tolls on roads we don't and won't want to take.

Scum bags, squalid low life scum bags they really are. With no humanity, they designed immoral roads that mislead us to pay tolls and waste time on boring curvy low quality roads. Burn in hell fuckers!

Also, do not forget the absurd road plans, major congestion city-wide. And fuck them governors who make it worse sirening everyone to the side just because they want to avoid the jam. Back on the queue sucka! Smell my carbon monoxide and die!

I am whining and cursing because I am so miserable. Bye Bye back to my coursework of which the submission is already late. Forget it lah 5% of 1/3 of 10% of the module not enough to fill my toe nail gaps, I can afford to lose you jealous?

Oh wait, dinner time! Paradise here we come! Bring Sheltox so many mozzies there.

Road Trip

2010-10-20T00:49:00.008+08:00

Hey guys! If you followed me on twitter/didn't block me on FB from my constant spamming, you'd probably know I went to a spontaneous road trip to Ipoh. Just mom, grandma, me, tshuiyee and her bitch, bubu.

It was on Sunday, the day after 6 got burnt to death in a car crash in Kampar. So you'd imagine how my mother nagged all the way there and back. Over and over and over again, repeating the same sentence with the correct order of word sequence with higher notes and lower at precise intervals, each time I hit 110 km/hr.

If you don't have a mother as awfsome as mine, you can conveniently stand by the auto-pay machine at 1U car park to indulge yourself: "Please insert the parking ticket. Your fee, is, ONE, ringgit. Please pay the amount shown... ..."

So annoying! And my grandmother just had to do a duet with my mom. Gosh, imagine getting stuck in a car with two auto-pay machines for 10 hours.

Well, nothing very interesting about the road trip except for the amazingly incorrect timing: We reached Ipoh town at 5p.m. when the particular coffee shop is about to close and we had to beg the auntie to give us each a cup of white coffee. And then reaching Bercham for the most amazing PAO but it's all sold out, and the same happened to the Kampar kaya puff, which is also the only reason for me to go that far, actually.

Though, now we've learnt one must reach Ipoh town by 4p.m; buy PAO as early as possible; call Kaya Puff uncle before 5p.m.. AND most importantly! Not missing the turning to Ipoh toll, which is exactly what I did not do.

Yes, I missed the turning and we had to go on forever and North South Highway sucks shit. Here, let me illustrate for the more visualized people.

The thing is, I was using my iPhone to look for Bercham (the place that sells awesome pao's). My mom made it sound like it's another town from Ipoh, which I still think it is. So I didn't intend to turn into Ipoh when the road sign told me to, because the iPhone told me that the Bercham turning is way in front. There, if you understand the above pictures: Bercham branches out somewhere in between the "30 minutes apart", and in between the adjacent roads were barriers that if I were to crash I would be as famous as the 6 on the headline on Sunday morning.

And hence I drove for another hour to finally get to the next exit for a U-turn. Drove another hour back to the place where I missed the turning and almost missed my coffee which I had to drink in a rush and missed both my AWESOME PAO'S AND KAYA PUFF!!! I am so hungry now!!!

Bitches! That's what they are, those engineers who designed North South Highway. I curse you to your very bones. You're a bitch! You knew this would happen to me and you thought it was funny but it wasn't! It wasn't!!! You jerks! Douchebags! Road bullies!

So anyway.

Sometimes life's like North-South Highway. We take a road, but then we miss the exit and we get stuck in there for longer than we ever want to be. It may feel like no turning back, but there is always another exit. Just wait a little longer, listen to songs and sing along, be patient for the exit may just be after the next corner. It may take an hour, it may take years, maybe almost forever; but if you are careful enough, there is always a turning back. Now, don't miss it again.

No matter how long it takes, those are the roads that you travel, those are the songs that you sing along, those are the time of which you try not to waste, learning and feeling and breathing in as much as you can to compensate with the farts and burps. In the end, if we have courage we would reach Ipoh, though sometimes it could be just a little too late. Anyhow, the next time you are on that road again, you will be careful not to miss the exit. Then, we shall have coffee and kaya puff and the world's most awesome pao's. That my friend, is a second chance. A second chance if you learn to exit from the rotten first.

Painting

2010-10-14T00:45:00.003+08:00

As a child I've always liked painting and I still do. Well technically, drawing. And no matter how buay paiseh I may seem to be, I am good at it too. But drawing and painting is different. I suck it the latter.

I think its the impatience: I draw, every detail elaborated with pencil, or pen; but then the elaborations are just too much hassle to be coloured. So I screw it up.

But today I venture into something that I've never done(right) before, painting. Yes, I bought brushes and acrylic paints and canvas and I am already quarter way through the painting now. Well, the drawing part was as easy as 10 minutes; but the background already took me the entire evening, then the face has been 'barely there' for the past few hours.

I think painting is like life. You've got to be patient. You've got to close your eyes and remember the things that you've seen, felt, touched, knew, dreamed. You've got to mix every colour that you want your painting to have, then paint on what used to be blank. Every stroke, gentle at times and otherwise other times, but each one matters. Even if the painting is a mess in the end, in the eye of the painter it's a masterpiece nonetheless, because every line is magical. Well, at least that's what I picture it to be.

I don't know until I finish my painting. If it's not too bad I think I will continue painting. It's kinda fun.

Nightmares

2010-10-13T10:40:00.009+08:00

I have been having nightmares every day, since the past weeks.

They are nightmares of what is already the reality but everytime it happens a different way. They're deeply depressing, disturbing.

Each time it happens a different way and I would run, I would scream, I would cry, I would plea in my dreams. And then I wake up for a split second thinking the nightmare is over but after that 0.3 second it hits me: I am living that nightmare.

It haunts me every night, I need help. Every night I feel it strong, the reluctance to close my eyes and let my subconscious take over me. I don't want to go to bed.

By the way, Good Morning. I am up and so is the Sun. And I am glad for the next 16 hours.

I Am Free

2010-10-10T23:24:00.005+08:00

... from the things that I had once been tied down with.

Free from the waiting I had been wasting my life with. Free from the false hope I tricked myself into believing. Free from the puddle of mixed emotions that had been sucking me into the pool of insanity, repeatedly.

It's funny, more like ironic, that what I thought would be the best thing in life for me, was the worst that had happened to me, well, so far. What I kept waiting for, what I thought was so worth my young years and months and days and minutes and seconds because eventually it would all be good and beautiful; and it turned out that what's more beautiful and better is waiting for me at the other end of the tunnel. Well, perhaps there has always been only one end of the tunnel. I'd never know, would I? Though, I have a negligible amount of doubt with my previous statement.

Not many of you understand what I am talking about, because I never told you the story. I will eventually. The story will be told when the one who needs to read it can't avoid reading it. Or when I feel like it.

P/S: Oh I just got some inspiration for my next poem! Paiseh I know I am no poet but I like writing them because that's how much I love metaphors.

Eat. Pray. Love. Sleep.

2010-10-09T03:35:00.010+08:00

Hey guys! What in the world is up? Or rather, who.

I just got home from movie night with my slut, and we watched Eat. Pray. Love. Well, to be real honest I hadn't really the yen to watch the movie. Before this, I only felt indifferent towards it. I don't avoid, but at the same time I don't really crave to watch it either. So I only went for it because TY convinced me it's a good movie and her friends watched twice.

Well, just a glance at the poster already makes me feel like going shopping in tutu's. It must be something that teenage girls would watch in their pajamas with 6 hundred pillows in the queen bitch's living room, before they strip naked tongue kissing each other while fondling nipples. Mmm...

Just kidding! But seriously... It looks girlie. And not just girlie, teenage girlie.

So here goes my review for Eat. Pray. Love. the movie. And note, only the movie. I haven't gotten my hands on the book; though I have a feeling, like other novel turned motion-pictures, the post is far better than the latter.

Well, it's a movie about a late 30 looking lady at her late 20's (Sorry Julia Robert, you look absolutely stunning! Where did you get your botox done?): How she divorced her very loving, handsome husband; later meeting and leaving a good looking young chap due to of lack of sex; gained weight, bought some jeans and cooked a turkey in Rome; went to India to listen to a middle-age Texan man crying (with tears) over his remorse of drinking + drug habit which ended with his wife leaving him, though I thought it must be his beard he never got around to trim; then ended up fucking a constantly-sweaty-looking-dude-who-also-can't-act on a remote island near Bali.

In between there were a lot of sceneries and architectures. And the only thing(s) that kept me awake were (1) a large popcorn, (2) one large coke, (3) 9 chicken meatballs (very salty), (4) one 1901 hotdog and (5) a toothless Indonesian witch doctor named Ketut (reminds me of kentut, "fart" in Malay). I mean, everytime I almost fell asleep he appeared on the wide screen and scared the drowsiness off me. I shall hang his photo on my wall during my exam period. No I won't.

Okay to be fair, I don't say it's a bad movie but obviously I am not saying it's a good one. But come on, seriously, watching it twice??? Well, yes it makes sense, probably they had to watch it again to make up for the parts they missed because they fell asleep the first time; and then regret it, very much, because they never got around to stay awake till the parts they missed.

The one thing I said after the movie was "Why didn't I watch Steve Carell instead?". And why didn't I watch Steve Carell instead??? Damn!

I Think I Must Have Grown Up

2010-10-07T11:13:00.004+08:00

Hey guys, a quick update before I go to school for a discussion. Speaking of which, I hope it lasts an hour or my time will be wasted instead of lunch. (one of my lab partners said an hour is not enough to discuss about nothing; hence we have to arrive at 1p.m before the class starts at 2, and WE SHALL SEE)

So anyway. I think I must have grown up! Someone did the "inception" to me the other day, telling me he used to read my blog and thought it was funny. So the idea grew into action and I read my entries from 2007. Damn, was there no better idea. I felt different.

Well, different is not entirely the word; I feel ashamed of myself, of the way I used to think. So ashamed that I could not bare to go on with the ranting. Okay, it was this post. (click on link)

I assume that you have not clicked, less so read it. So, try again.

Yes, so I wrote this post, out of nowhere or probably only boredom, about Nurin. If you bring it all back to 2007, there was a murder rape case of a poor child named Nurin. Well, to clear the air a little, I believe I have never felt worse towards what the rapist did to her. But somehow, I wrote this "I agreed, that if Nurin was not to die, the government wouldn't have taken such precaution nor care such BIG DEAl about children murder cases." and " so i think she is meant to die tragically". Tsk tsk tsk. Along with two very offensive photos of a brinjal and cucumber I found from the net.

Not only that, I think I made not one but several jokes about the brinjal and cucumber the rapists stuffed into her privates. Can you believe that? Such harsh jokes of a dead 8 year old, who got murdered and suffered her last days in torments no one can err enough to deserve.

But come to think of it, it was really quite funny. But no, NO NO NO! Shake it off! seriously! Have I no compassion?

I am not trying to justify my wrongs. But I think, I think the 19 year old Loo was only writing with a one track mind, of the racism which was in heat that year (onwards). And he was trying to voice his opinion about the injustice towards different races by the government but missed the big picture. Well, I don't know because I am not him, am I? Oh, I am. So yeah then that must be it. But it's different when you read it as a third party, it just reads different. Unlike now, I hadn't developed the habit to reread my work as a third party then.

Alright, it does sound like I am excusing myself. But no, that does not justify what I wrote about her. And I am truly sorry for my every word and letter and comma and full stop. Truly.

I mean, yes I haven't changed that much I still bitch about random innocent people on the street, or in class. But at least they are not dead, or raped (maybe), or you know that kinda stuff. And I don't think laughing at people's bad taste in earrings can be that hurtful... Okay it is kinda hurtful. But it can all be undone, you know? Like just take off the earrings then the world becomes beautiful again. Alright alright, enough with the earrings but you get the point no?

Anyway, I am just glad the 22 year old me has a different thinking than the 19 year old one. I am also very sorry for a lot of things that I wrote about a lot of people, and I think I might have gone a little overboard with the race issues but I assure you, I am not a racist. I am not. I love everyone. It's just the government that I hate and the wrong words that I used.

To end this post so I can brush my teeth and take a shower, I am sorry if I am not meeting your standards of a grown-up but I am learning and hopefully down the road, 3 years from now I will be a better person. Just as I am now from 3 years ago. (:

And my lab partner will be in deep shit if he doesn't "discuss" the entire hour that I am about to sacrifice over LUNCH! Hello, it's LUNCH and it's the biggest deal after DINNER followed by SUPPER! Do not. I repeat. Do not. I repeat again. Do not. mess with my LUNCH! *ROARRR*

Just kidding.

"My Life Sucks!"

2010-10-06T01:35:00.008+08:00

And that my dear, was I quoting my housemate, Foong May; when her order didn't arrive in in 30 minutes the other night. (HAHAHAHA!)(Gosh I think I mention her in every single post?!)

Well, I don't want to be an ungrateful S.O.B. to condemn that my life sucks but it did today. (Yesterday, the previous day before 12 a.m., whatever) And I am about to explain.

I woke up at 7 as claimed that I would this morning in my previous post. What's with the suspicious stare? Okay fine! So I woke up at 8, but still! It was early and the Sun was still at the East!

But that's not the point. So I was rushing, packing, showering, changing, putting lipstick on and high heels and handbags, oh wait that would be my mom. But anyway you get the picture, then I was on my way to school for a class at 9a.m. You have no idea but I was in an extremely pleasant mode; I was rewarding a smile to the symmetrical self in the mirror because he managed to wake up and it was only slightly late. I almost cried a river of proud tears.

And more importantly, I abusively tweeted so much of soon-to-be-embarrassing lines. It wasn't until I arrived at the gate that it hit me, the morning class was canceled and the next was 3p.m.. Horror electrified me from the bottom end of my spinal cord, creeping along my vertebrae to my head which has already exploded and no longer there. I stared at my symmetry and I just stared at him while he stared back. And then I had breakfast with Celest and Jo-ann.

There, below shows how abusively I tweet:

Laugh all you want, I'll laugh along.

I am so fucking dumb la!!!

During breakfast I thought of making spaghetti for dinner, so Jo-Ann and I went for grocery shopping while Celest went to class. Guess what, I just HAD TO take the wrong turning and ended up circling the entire Semenyih-Kajang-Balakong-Cheras globe. And I am usually very direction savvy so you tell me, my life must have sucked shit today, no?

Heck, my life did not stop sucking itself out of me then. Like a dementor, it continued to vacuum off all the happiness and confidence I had this morning down to that very strand of curly hair hanging off my ass hole. And now I am no longer happy, less so confident about it!

I got home and started cooking and it was the worst spaghetti I've ever made and tasted. The excessive lump of salt dived into the sauce without my consent! HOW DARE THEY!!! No but seriously it wasn't my fault, it was the weather! IT WAS THE WEATHER!!! I swear upon MJ's life!

The spaghetti turned so salty I totally finished them because I was so hungry. No, my sentence does not need to make sense to you. And do you know why? Because my life sucked on 5th Oct 2010 and I deserve to make senseless statements. Though, I am glad it all ended then.

Oh wait, I just remembered. I am about to sleep without my pillow and bolster because I threw them away last semester and I left the new ones at home. My life sucks! Oh shit I even forgot my bed sheet, shit!!!!!!

WTF?

2010-10-05T00:25:00.003+08:00

Click on image to view in HD. I mean full size.

Do you see it or do you not see it?

Who would be so evil to search the net for "spell to ruined the life of my classmate"??? This is down right scary. And so is the grammar mistake.

Just FYI, that print screen was taken from my nuffnang account showing the keywords people searched before they stumbled upon my blog.

Well, most of the time it is either "looser loser" or "swee loo" or "my mom can't cook". But that, that was just sick. I hope he/she isn't one of my classmates, because he/she is obviously looking for a curse to kill all of us! Well, or to ruined our lives which is equally evil.

Okay, I need to wake up at 7 tomorrow. Good night y'all. Fuck you (in a good way). And that came out really wrong. HAHA fuck you in a good way lol.

This marks...

2010-10-02T02:07:00.011+08:00

...the end of my 21st year on planet Earth. Ahh, there goes my young days...

I am 22 now, and if you ask if I have any resolution for the coming year I'd say no. Not at all. One thing that I learnt bout resolutions: they will only stay as resolutions. It's like the t.v. remote control that never shows until you are fumbling for your keys to go out, 3 days later. So yeah, no resolutions. Whatever may come, may come. Plus, resolutions are for lame nerds like Celestia. Tee hee.

This year there was nothing much of a celebration, except for a lemon cheese cake with a very out-of-tune and out-of-sync "Happy Birthday" during cell group. Oh, also, just to give me a taste(literally) of the pain my mom experienced during labour 22 years ago; she cooked me lunch! Her intentions were beyond fulfilled, nonetheless. She was pleased.

You know I started off this post wanting to write something touchy and heart-felt, but I simply can't. There is nothing very heart-felt about birthdays: It's just another day, a day to remind you that you are growing, the time is passing, you are alive, the clock is ticking. Just as every other day.

Truly, over the years, I have changed quite a bit. I have especially changed since the past few years. Nothing good or bad, but every change matters. In an introductory column, I wouldn't write "I am just a normal guy, living a normal life. Nothing much happened to me that is very exciting, not much of a story to tell, just an ordinary guy living in a very busy city". Instead, I would write "I am awesome, there are so many things in life that had happened to me that had never happened to you. You can be grateful they hadn't, in a way. Seriously. But those are the things that made me strong. I wouldn't say I am happy they happened(no one would), but I'd say I am happy I went through them and now I am; Being awesome as ever".

Mm, just because it is true, I am glad to have friends with me to come this far. And God has blessed me with an abundant flow of food, friends, wisdom, pets, clothes, gadgets, beaches, songs, movies, tv series, books, blogs, ideas, creativity, imagination, flowers, blue shirts, teddy's pee, jokes, laughter, porn, sluts and everything that I have had. Also, I am beyond thankful to have been born into this era, when technology is constantly rising and the environment is only half way deteriorated. Which means we can use techy gadgets on white sandy beaches with clear sea, blue sky, sip from a coconut just plucked from a tree we lie underneath.

Ah... A hundred years down the road, my great grandchildren will be so green in envy, or well, in the polluted air.

So, happy birthday myself, and of course Nike! I love you even though you stink like a Schnauzer.

To the coward who hates gays

2010-09-30T18:02:00.017+08:00

Hi friends who have no idea, read the comments.

Seriously... Seriously???

Isn't there anything more constructive that you could throw at me? Like the weight I've gained over summer? Come on, you must have noticed that! And my hair that I haven't groomed? Or that pair of beach pants that I've been wearing since 2007? I mean you could not possibly miss my protruding ass! That's like the all-time favourite insult(or compliment, since I am so gay), right? Right.

But gay?

Also, since when being gay is meant to be an insult? Where are you from? Or rather, WHEN are you from? You seem to hate gays so much, but you know your future boss may be gay. The chef who cooked your dinner last night may be gay, you're eating gay food, smelling gay farts. Heck! you're sharing the same toilet seat as the gay who just pooped before you. Gays are all around, whether you like it or not; Just as the air that you breathe, so suck it!

And! More importantly! The actor who played my favourite character on 'How I Met Your Mother', Barney Stinson, is gay! Sorry Jason Segel, Neil Patrick Harris totes topped you on the funny chart. And that, is LEGEN... wait for it... DARY!

Anyway, I am not at all offended by his/her supposedly nasty comments. Well, maybe a little at the later part where he/she called me dumb because I couldn't understand his/her senseless statement. It's like when you're being called fat by a Sumo player, what'd you feel right? How stupid can I get, when someone who can't even structure a complete sentence called me dumb. *sad gay face*

So yeah, I just want to clear some air since there are a few gays who read my blog, and they are really nice people. Please, do not discriminate. It is really like racism, you know? Well you probably don't since you live in Malaysia, the one and only racism-free country, everyone lives in harmony, One Malaysia! Merdeka! Bendera! Superman!

P/S: Yes I know I was insulting my classmate in that post, sorta... But hey at least that was constructive?! Seriously, if she'd read my blog she'd be much prettier than she was yesterday. Yes, she was still wearing them chandeliers.

And I am so gay I date both your parents. Bye.

I am AWEEEESOME!

Rainbows are memories

2010-09-29T17:03:00.016+08:00

Life and it carries on and on and on without halting for me.

Playground, moonlight, a pair of bees.

A wonderland of memories,

I dwell in it so very happily.

I even dream about it, silly!

But those are to the heart, I sigh;

Just as Rainbows are to the eye.

"It's there! It's there! But not really!" I cry.

Then I pat my right wrist:

Rainbow will come as promised.

It appears,

But it will fade.

With fear,

what if it takes decades?

So across the sea I wade.

Underlying it stayed,

the Rainbow that I crave.

I took a deep breath after I wait.

Waves curtain my face,

But no Rainbow under surface.

Only purple gloom swirls at my feet,

With patchy pink all over it,

along with colours purple tries to hid.

It pulls me down a pit.

I sink then I can not breathe,

the last bubble I spit.

Then to wait I might,

If only it never died,

Freshly revived,

its colours strike and spite.

The new Rainbow I see,

tilts from tip to the knee.

As if a zombie,

it has no memory.

Rainbows are beautiful they say,

But what a fucking waste?

Be as temporary they may,

as roses in a vase!

Still, the Rainbow stays,

In the playground last May,

There will we play,

Forever and ever we may.

When nothing shades,

under the Moon Rainbow never fades.

To my love, may you rest in peace.

You will be missed and I will always love you.

Your one and only.

The Dangling Earrings

2010-09-28T09:27:00.004+08:00

On the first day of 3rd year, there was this classmate of mine who wore dangling earrings to class. But she also had bobbed curly hair and wore spectacles. And mind you those were a pair of very dangling earrings!

It looked so significantly ridiculous, like a pair of chandelier hanging down a very untrimmed forest. And as if they had lives on their own, all I could see when she passed by were her chandeliers. It was so scary we had to talk it over dinner; okay that came out quite senseless but not the point!

The point is, we talked it over dinner and Foong May was there. Foong May is the quiet on the outside girl that I know and nothing can be done to undo that part of my life (jk!!!). She is both my house mate and classmate. And she, too, used to wear dangling earrings with spectacles. The thing is, when she wore them, it looked fine. It looked so fine that it's like seeing me wearing blue t-shirts. But when we talked about it, we all felt it. We felt as if we were talking about her, but it's all too late when it came out because before it did we never even thought about FM looking weird or out of the norm wearing dangling earrings with spectacles. We had to explain that she looked real good, and we weren't being hypocrites. I mean, I wasn't being a hypocrite. Tee Hee.

Now, doesn't that always happen to us? We gossip about some thing (let's call it big butt) we saw for the sake of getting the fix to gossip; one among friends has/had big butt; and Oops! Though most of the time, we never mean to offend that friend because that's just not it, it just ends up being awkward.

It's like there was this time that I went out with a friend I used to be real close with, I said "Look at that chick over there! She is damn fat right?!". I turned, anticipating her co-criticism. Then only to realize... I felt so bad. Real bad.

And mind you, this also always happen to me as the 'friend' in question. It happened today in the car, they were talking about another friend who had to depend on his friends to study for his exams. They were so excitedly discussing over it until Celest realized and said "Swee Loo I am not talking about you ok! You are different case!". I said "Ouch". We all laughed. But of course I did not take it personally, things like this always happen. Always.

So friends, if ever I talk about someone else, or something that I saw on the street and it find its way to offend you. Please don't be offended. Even if you have a mole at the exact same spot, it only means the mole suits you better than the other person that I'm about to bitch about.

Okay, need to get ready now. Meeting Jo-Ann and the others at MV for Wall Street. Follow me on twitter to see my one-line-review.

Catch you guys later!

P/S: And I am not afraid if that forest with chandelier reads my blog. Because this should be her blow if a knock on the head is fashion. And this time, I am talking about you.

Semenyih

2010-09-26T23:36:00.003+08:00

is the most pointless place that I've ever been to, so far.

Not only it is boring, it is also boring. It is a town where aunties stand in front of your car as if you are to sit and stare at their lumpy flaccid asses. Move it, bitches! Or I honk so hard your flaccid buttocks get rigid! (you wish!)

Ironically, it is where my school's at. Being stuck here is the 5 years that I can't avoid in this lifetime. I wonder what it'd be like if Nottingham did not move its campus here, if only it stayed where it used to be, OMG just opposite Pavilion! And I could walk to school muddafucka! Screw you if you are about to tell me that the pro of living here is grilled fish and Broga hill.

So anyway, here I am, back to this ghost town after months of civilization. Tomorrow we will all head to school, sit in classes for hours, really angry with the new timetable. Who made it? Whoever made it??? I wish you get stuck at the most horrible place for life! Oh wait, you already are. Alright then, I am contented.

Bye good night.

Reading

2010-09-24T18:48:00.008+08:00

Reading has always been a part of my life. It has been, well, a fairly tiny part. But it is in my life nonetheless.

Let me walk you through the reading parts of my life...

When I was a kid, my mom used to buy books (if not dictionaries and stationaries) for my birthdays. So much of a childhood.

For me, presents were supposed to be toys, things that were fun. And it still is now. But no, don't buy me a toy for my upcoming birthday. Well, then again that would depend on what kinda toy are we talking about. tee hee hee *winks lecherously*

But well, call that effective. It worked its own way; I began to like reading. The first book I ever wanted to read, was this huge ass story book about Mickey Mouse as a tailor who lied about killing 6 men instead of flies, and was therefore forced by the king to defend his town against a giant, which he did and finally married the princess. I read it again and again and again, reminiscing the story and staring at each detail of the illustrations. (MICKEY MOUSE WAS SO CUTE! and OMG I REMEMBER!!!)

The second book was this huger ass compilation of stories (trust me, the book was so huge of an ass if you laid it on a baby you're a murderer), ranging from Red Riding Hood to the Candy House. I don't remember finishing the book ever, though.

And then it leaped from then, over years of online games, stamp collecting and a-variety-of-pet raising, to when Harry Potter came out. I felt like it's a series of books that one must read in his life time.

And that, my friend, is true.

It sorta took me months to finish each book, mainly because I abandoned the books for weeks at every boring part (especially The Order of Phoenix. Man, that book was torturous); and I took my time to read every detail, rereading past chapters to make sense to the senseless parts, enjoying the beauty of another human's mind and imagination; by human I mean J.K.Rowling. Sometimes she makes me want to believe that she is from Hogwarts, well maybe she is Hermoine herself.

Later, there was the Narnia series, which I did not finish. Well I only did one of the 3 or 4 books (how many are there?). And then Lord Of The Rings. I only managed to endure the first book, and that was when it was the only entertainment I had at that moment. And guess where was I I was in National Service. Not surprised, at all.

When Time Traveler's Wife came out as a movie, I thought it must be a great novel. And it was. However, it took me some time to finish the book (had something on, stuff on my mind, never really had time for anything else, if you know what it was then you'd know).

Though I must say, this was one book that I felt really connected to; the coincidences were overwhelming. There were even times that I got chicken skin reading the touchy parts, you know the kinda feeling you get when you listen to music that really touches you and then you get goosebumps all over and your heart feels ticklish? Yeah, that.

Also, I loved the way Audrey Niffenegger (author of book) brought out the characters at different ages in their respective thoughts and dialogues, words. Well, mainly Henry and Clare. If you'd read the book, you'd know what I so loved about.

The different words that she chose when Clare was 6 and 20 and 30 and 80... The difference in thinking between genders. She... She is just amazing!

Well to those of you scratching your head, the book contains Henry's and Clare's parts; randomly sequenced through the entire novel. Sometimes there are both parts but describing the same event with different thoughts of each of them. So at one point "I" refers to Henry but a few pages later "I" refers to Clare, and for our convenience she states the first person character at the beginning of each part. Right?

It helped me understand the characters, it made me feel as though I knew them and I watched them grow up and fell in love with them. I was so troubled when the book ended. I felt like I just lost my very beloved friends. So long, Henry and Clare. You will always be a part in me. *Looks up to the ceiling with shimmering tears rolling in my eyes*

That very same week, I went to purchase the said author's latest novel, Her Fearful Symmetry. It was great. Like her previous book, it is full of what-if's and fictions so beautiful it makes you wanna die. Suspends, it makes you wanna know what's the ending and it makes you wanna wait. It tears you apart and you end up wanting more. It is a drug. A drug that you take when you go to take a dump.

I am kissing no ass but shitting was never complete again without Her Fearful Symmetry. I am not even exaggerating, there were so many times that I ran downstairs to grab the book from my car because I needed to shit; and I REALLY needed to shit. I would hold it until I opened the book and *sigh*, I could shit, in peace and harmony and everything so pretty in the world it made my poo poo look delicious. But now my poo looks like nothing but, well, poo!

So there ends the reading parts of my life, "SO FAR!" as Homer Simpsons would say.

Bye.

Btw any other book that I should read? I like those kinda books like Time Traveler's Wife and Her Fearful Symmetry, fiction but a little hint of reality and romance a bit of sarcasms and smart phrases and mysteries and you know that kinda stuff a great book should have? Yeah, those kind.

Bye.

Salmon

2010-09-22T03:01:00.007+08:00

That look on my face, if that's not contentment and liveliness, orgasmic and ecstatic, I don't know what is. It was heaven in my mouth!!!

Good morning! And that was me having a mouthful of fresh juicy sashimi in Taiwan, specifically, Kenting. There was this port place with a lot of seafood, fresh and cheap. A giant platter with a mountain of sashimi only costs 200 NT. Crazy. Crazy indeed.

A note to Lady Gaga: if you ever decide on salmon for your VMA outfit, get it there it's cheap! But then again you wouldn't care about money. You're dirty rich.

So yeap, apparently I gained tonnes of weight, literally. And thus an abrupt closure of this entry. Good night.

and 30 minutes it has been.

2010-09-21T00:59:00.008+08:00

It is 1 a.m. Instead of taking an afternoon nap, here I am, getting myself the fix of blogging. Hence this second blog entry of the day.

No I did not mistake a.m. and p.m. What did you think I am, dumb fuck?

To begin, I study at Nottingham, which is a UK university and blah blah blah we have summer break every May to September. If you ask me: No, 4 months is never too long for a holiday; and definitely not when I am spending 3 quarter of it doing my internship.

Technip it is, an Oil & Gas consultancy firm just across my new house. Mother-based in Paris, it started real small in Malaysia, but it gradually grew into this multinational company by the years. Back when I was a kid, although rarely, I used to bring my mom to work on Saturdays. Alright fine, she brought me. Anyway, I remember how it only occupied a few floors in the same building where they have complete usage of now.

It never ever occurred to me that one day I would work in that company, or any other engineering company. I thought of being a doctor, a scientist most of the time, a pilot, a billionaire without effort, a gigolo no I am just kidding about that. But somehow I landed myself in this field, and I am glad I did.

Year 2010, I came to this company for internship for the second time. The first was when I just completed my Foundation year but well that doesn't count because of blah blah blah I didn't have any technical background or knowledge about whatsoever. Learnt something but not really.

This time, I came here and it was absolutely worth the 3 months of my life. Well, not the weight gaining part (more on that next time) but the experience part. It changed something in me, and I hope and pray it stays changed until the end of everything. I mean, I was the kinda student who never attend any class, and it never ever occurred to me that it is important to get good results. Well at least not until the exam is just the next corner.

But now I have a vision: It is important. Very important. I need to do it.

Well anyway, the past 3 months has been really fun!!! The food, the colleagues, the software, the food, the achievements, the food. It was very very fulfilling... :D

And like I said, it was worth the 3 months of my life. Unlike that retarded excuse of a national service, National my ass, waste of time. Speaking of which, congratulations to my cousin sister who got picked out of so many unlucky sad people to attend the long awaited National Service! It will definitely be worth the 3 months of your life. :D

Well back to my summer break, my internship ended a while back on August the 30th. 2 days later I went to Taiwan with a darling friend of mine and we came back with a baby nah just kidding. Taiwan was so fun I will blog about it in the next entry!

Dear friends

2010-09-21T00:21:00.005+08:00

This is a whole new era. So many changed, things are so different but things are still the same.

Sorry I haven't been updating this little site of mine. I know I have been lazy and I deserve your infidelity! I am not asking you to turn back for me though now I will do all I can to win your hearts back, to again fall in love with me!!! well, my dissertation. (I am such a drama queen. Except that I am not a queen, please) But really, blame it on how busy I have been and the lack of internet connection in my new place, more about that later.

There are so many things that I wanted to blog about: Random thoughts; Places that I have been to; Dreams; Interesting stuff going on; Issues that I would really love to write about. Too bad, now I can only slowly dig into my memory to resurface them, bit by bit, entry by entry.

Let's start with some updates. I have moved. I now live in the city center and the air is definitely fresher, there is no traffic jam and the food is extremely cheap. *BIG GRIN*

Fine, those are false facts. :(

We moved to this condominium, The Forum located along Jalan Tun Razak, mainly because of the real good bargain mom got for this place. Well, to be fair, this is a really old building, almost historical. Heck, 18 years old doesn't sound too old for a human?! Also, mom's company is just across the street and people are flooding into Setapak, might as well move before we get suffocated. Good news for me now I am nearer to every place I love.

When I came here for the first time, this place was a total mess. Bad lay out, ancient carpets, broken tiles, bad lighting. We had to break and rebuild so many walls, ceiling, reconstruct the kitchen to finally make it... well, livable. And now I am contented with it.

I know I ought to post some photos but for now I am really lazy. To be honest, if there is one thing I hate about blogging, it is posting the photos. It takes forever, resizing, uploading, blah blah blah. I wish I could just write and not post the photos but then again some things may not make too much sense; Human are visual creatures.

Well anyway, not now. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. But eventually I will.

So here I am, in our new place, left with a week of waking-up-to-nothing-whatsoever before going back to school next Monday. More updates on my summer break in the upcoming post. Well I don't want to cramp too many things into one entry. People get dizzy. Bye for another 30 minutes.

I am an ENGINEER

2010-05-30T11:28:00.003+08:00

-ing student.

No, not yet an engineer. I may be one in the future. But I may not. Who'd know if I die before graduation? Would I die as one? No. I would just die as an engineering student.

The thing is.

I just hate it, when lecturers pigeon hole us, saying "hey you're an engineer, you should already know that, you should be that". Whenever that, I always have the urge to say "we are only students". Hey dude, long way to go summore k?

And there are also smelly farts who always, ALWAYS say they are engineers and hey! I can see your nostrils now! Put your chin down and get your feet back on the ground.

Oy, we're not engineers until that piece of paper gets signed and stamped and verified.

Hello summer break :D

Dear Teddy and Nike,

2010-05-14T18:29:00.006+08:00

Please stop pissing and pooping everywhere in the house. Thank you.

P/S: Teddy, you are getting spayed in June. Please dry hump Nike all you want, the next may be the last. xoxo

P/P/S: Nike, if you want to have no balls like Teddy, please continue to piss and poop everywhere.

Love,

Fucked

Seriously. My house fucking stinks now la!!! Damn foul man the stench I don't understand why they are this way! Taught them all I could and to no avail. They know it's wrong but they just do it again and again and again. Everyday no fail.

If hell has a stench, it'd be my house!

Thank you Lord, we are shifting house soon. Please cut off Teddy's balls before we do. Amen.

:D

2010-04-26T01:17:00.003+08:00

Errr... this is awkward because I am telling all my readers, knowing all my readers have stopped reading my blog. What do you mean I never had any reader!? I had like... 50 of them at most and 50 is enough to keep me writing!

Anyway, I am telling whoever that stumbles across my blog now, that I am no longer updating this blog...

...UNTIL SUMMER BREAK! Which starts somewhere around end of May. So stay offline till then!

And I have no explanation for my disappearance on blogosphere. I apologize to my friends who used to like to read what I write. Maybe I will explain next time, when I can find an excuse for this. But I really don't know why have I lost the interest to write and almost everything else in life, which also explains limited topics to rant on and hence the lack of posts.

A quick update on what's going on with my life now.

Well, I have been skipping classes. Life has been really messy for me these few years, sometimes I feel like I don't even know what am I doing. Now, suddenly I am 22, when the last time that I could remember feeling 'sober' was when I was 19. No I am not doing drugs nor drinking. Sober as in a sense of expression.

Exam starts on 11th May. That's like a few more hours. And I am trying very very hard, very hard, to study on my own, to help myself cope with what I've missed in that few months of class-skipping and day-dreaming. Trust me, it is harder than you'd expect, especially when everyone keeps telling you that it's difficult and it's difficult and it's very difficult.

Okay, maybe I really have to face the reality that it's tough. Still, I am trying my best to get whatever I can possible into my head.

Speaking of head, have you guys noticed? My head is big. O.O

Bye! For now. Not forever!

P/S: God please help me!

P/P/S: Let's pray for a better tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and next decade.

Congratulations!

2010-03-03T00:27:00.003+08:00

To Teddy.

You're (finally) getting laid, and you are fucking this bitch.

Sexy much? XP

MAFEAEATSHNMTIATNITLN

2010-02-14T08:34:00.004+08:00

I feel an urge and the must to give this away: Most Annoying Fugly Expression Artist Ever Award That Simply Has No Meaning To It And The Name Is Too Long Now

And the award goes to....

JUSTIN BIEBER!!!

I mean look at his facial expression. It simple makes me wanna punch some poodles. *teddy's yelp*

Agree yet? Come on you've got to agree with me. I am serious.

Okay Happy Chinese New Year peeps! byebye gtg shower and ready to go to my paternal family! Cheers! To absolute boredom! Yay!

@TheChaceCrawfor hacked?

2010-02-10T13:05:00.005+08:00

Our favourite Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford is apparently possessed. or hacked.

Since 20 minutes ago he has been tweeting the following :

@demdevlov (demi lovato) if you follow me I promise ill help you bestie

@demdevlov I swear ill tell people once you follow me

@demdevlov I can't tell noone til you follow me, I promise when you do ill tell people tho

@demdevlov will you reply demi

....

etc etc etc until some 4 minutes ago. He is flooding the twittersphere.

Poor Nate. Kena hacked.

XDXD, I know you hate me.

Gtg out now! Getting my shoes today yay!

Update: He/Someone apparently deleted the tweets. But here you go...

So what do ya'll think? Hacked? Possessed? Obsessed? Bored? Coke'd?

omfg

2010-01-28T12:05:00.003+08:00

I was just going through my cousin's FB photos, I was in a happy-to-be-bored-after-class mood, until I saw this.

WHY???

The "Allah" Protest

2010-01-09T13:37:00.002+08:00

January 7th, 2010. A protest at the National Mosque located at Jalan Sultan Ismail was organized by a bunch of nitwits regarding the issue of a Christian magazine using the word "Allah" in one of the articles. Well, mainly because that's a correct word to use for most Malay-speaking Christians. During the protest, some paparazzi who were supposed to be following Paris Hilton flew across the globe to ask them a few questions. When asked why are they doing this, they answered "Ngahh... I pun tak tau, dia orang nak buat bising I pun buat bising lah. Bising apa I tak tau, saje je. I dengar dia orang cakap ade fireworks nanti kat church. I nak tengok" and "Takde ape ape, saje je, too boring lah, kan ini Friday, let's party!". So to speak, a bunch of nitwits protested and caused congestions on major roads and/didn't burn down churches because they got nothing better to do.

So Allah asked you people to cause so much traffic jam?

Just kidding!

But seriously...

Nothing against ALL Muslims, I know most of you are innocent. But those who joined the protest, I must say that you are really really really really really immature. And that's only an understatement. I mean, it's just so ridiculous that you are causing so much of all this and that because of people using a supposedly-correct word in magazines and whatnot, Sunday Services all over Malay-speaking regions! I do mean it, do your googling, please?

So everyone is celebrating Christmas, and they are doing non-christian stuff. Do we go around burning down temples and mosques and houses for free thinkers to warn everyone who celebrates Christmas? Okay, with a thin chance probably the burning weren't done by you.

But do you see us doing something so childish as to go around protesting "DO NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS NON-CHRISTIANS!" ?

Wouldn't that be so ridiculous? No... effing ridiculous!

Oh maybe ONE example doesn't draw a clear enough picture for your narrow minds. Okay then, when was the last time you heard people saying "Jesus Christ!" when kicked in the balls or when they catch their mothers in wtfriduculous nurse outfit fucking their classmates? Jesus Christ! Uh uh uh! The correct answer is not long ago.

So do we go around protesting and causing riots because of such nonsense?

Total nonsense!

I don't mean to insult you, but you are really insulting me. (O.o) You are now embarrassing all of us, you have any idea? All of us who stand on this ground with you. It makes me feel damn "malu", you understand? Do you know how does it feel, to be embarrassed again and again and again, and again, by the same bunch of people? It sucks, trust me.

It's like one Malaysian does this kinda stuff and everyone is going to think that all Malaysians never get proper education. And wdf, those are adults.

Why are you doing this?! Why are you acting like some elementary school kid rebelling over not getting your treats? Childish-nya.

Yours truly,

Motherfucker (not literally)

P/S: Don't see other people do protest you also go and do blindly can? Lain kali(next time), Find something less ridiculous to protest about, please? I beg you to stop causing so much embarrassment to our nation. Very "lak seh".

THe coffin was too small

2010-01-02T13:55:00.003+08:00

I had a dream last night...

In that dream, I somehow died. But was somehow, given a chance to live one more day in my already dead body. It felt kinda weird. It felt like my body was already in the process of rotting, and I dare not get too close to anyone, knowing I am full of virus and bacteria.

In the entire dream I was just at home, playing with Teddy and Nike, spending time with my mom and cousins. It didn't really feel like the clock was ticking, it just felt like it was all going to end in just one more day, and that one more day was not that short for me.

It wasn't scary, in my dream. It felt so peaceful. And at night I had to sleep in the coffin, and the coffin was so small my arms could not really fit comfortably. Everyone in my dream just seemed so sad but nobody says anything.

And it was weird because every single detail was taken in my dream. Like, I would think, when I eat... Since I am dead I wouldn't be able to digest anything that I eat so I could only eat things like one small bite of fruits. SO LAME I know! And all the scars won't heal if I get scratched or anything. It was just so full of nonsense...

Well, come to think of it. If it was true, if I was dead, and was given a chance to live one more day. I would... throw a party! Themed "ZOMBIE". Invite every single person that I know and just have my last day going crazy! Not going to get drunk though, what a waste. I don't think I want to be with only the people that I love, I mean it would make everything so solemn and sad when I finally die.

What about you? What would you do if you die and were given a chance to live one more day? Comment or ~~make a video respond~~ make a blog post respond of it!

2009

2009-12-31T23:07:00.003+08:00

2009 things I did in the year 2009:

1. Had a great summer

2. Turned 21

3. Had a great birthday party

4. Went to Bangkok for the 2nd time! (3rd time next year!)

5. Lost Pamela as my best friend

6. Went to Langkawi and made new friends

7. Went to Redang Island for the 3rd time with Estee and Jess (4th time next year)

Just kidding.

Did you really think I was going to surprise you with 2009 things I did after 2 months of no-blogging?

Siao.

So, 2009. Really, if you want me to recall this year, it has been quite a blur for me.

All I know, I turned 21, had a summer break, which I did so much to fill myself up with euphoria. (euphoria as in happy feeling, not euphoria club clubbers!) Got into year 2. Made some new friends, lost some old friends, and all along have been waiting for a person.

Maybe it's true, that the mind has its way of remembering things. Unhappy things are always a blur, because the mind blocks them out. If you had a terrible childhood, you may have no memory of it whatsoever.

Either that, or I really have wasted this year away.

Am not saying that 2009 has been a bad year for me; It just wasn't an extremely good one. And it only has 45 more minutes(right now) to prove itself to be a excellent one, so I am assuming that it's just too late for 2009 to prove anything. Too bad too late you slow tee hee.

Whatever happened this year, it changed my life. It made me who I am right now, right here. Tsk tsk, cliche cliche, every year changes my life...

Well, not just that one thing that some of you know. But also other things. Losing friends, having new friends, getting closer to some friends. It's both happy and sad. Really. Well, but this is life. Right?

People pass you by, not all, but some. I've seen a lot, heard a lot, felt a lot. And I am glad, with how SOME things turn out to be. I am glad how I got so much closer with my friends, like TshuiYee, Celest, Joann... I love em! And I love you too Jess and Yin!

Just like every other year, 2009 has been a year of ups and downs, highs and lows. But this surely, definitely marks the year that I began to grow up. There were a lot of thinking made, a lot of decisions made, a lot of determination, some failed, some succeeded... But well, this is a year I went through so much of process, as in mind changing, growing up.

I just... I don't want to sound like a bore, but I really appreciate everything that happens to me. How things are, how things were, how things probably will be... I am just glad that I am still alive, breathing haze, eating toxins, drinking chlorine...

Kicking y'all!

Alright, that was my 2009. It has been a boring year. So be it. 2010, 2011, 2012 and so on and so forth will be full of hopes, full of freedom, excitement, full of unknown happiness. I am so excited now, everything that I can't foresee is ahead of me, waiting for me, waiting for us to touch and feel and see. So many probabilities, that even engineering maths can't solve the equations! Let's just hope, and it will be. A great year, and great years ahead!

And as the Loo everyone knows, I must say...

Fuck you 2009. You have really been a bitch. So fuck you and die, you will never be around anymore. Because in half an hour you'll be gone, and in 1 hour you'll be LONG gone. It's just too bad. Really. 2008 had an extra day compared to you. Cry bitch! Cry out loud when the fireworks drown out your misery, welcoming a NEW YEAR, and a better one!

And I really have to warn you, 2010. You better be a damn good one.

Happy 2010 y'all and bitches and sluts and bastards of the entire world and universe! Yes that means you, you, you and you!

Open for request

2009-12-08T23:35:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, I have, practically nothing to blog about.

So now I am open to suggestions. I will try to fulfill all requests on any blog entry. It can be anything particularly specific, or broadly general. Anything at all. Do comment below!

Excuse me, do comment! I know there are still around 10 people reading, my loyal friends... You are being forced to comment!

the end

2009-12-02T02:07:00.001+08:00

of all nonsense now go to bed everyone!

the end

2009-11-29T15:53:00.001+08:00

the end

HAHAHA!!!

2009-11-29T04:29:00.005+08:00

I was just going through my cousins' picture folder with them after mamak session just now... And then we found this...

HAHAHAHA!!! OMHOLYCOWWTFBBQKNNBCCBLOLLMAOROFL!!! EFFING HILARIOUS CAN!?!?!?!!!

Srsly who did this to her?! LoL

Okay, it's sleeping time. Good night! And they are now fighting and laughing, and I can see one sleeping on the other.

Jessica is back...

2009-11-28T14:44:00.008+08:00

... from Brisbane and she hates it there as much as I hate Semenyih.

She is still the same zanny biatch, Aus didn't morph her into something else, which is definitely a good thing! And we met up yesterday for New Moon and it still sucks but a little better than the first movie. Jess said she'd choose Jacob over Edward. Aye aye I second her say. That Edward left Bella to suffer on her own, bastard. NEVER EVER LEAVE, it's never ever going to do anyone any good by leaving if you love that person. Well, to be fair, Jess only chose Jacob because of the body. She kept on "ooooh~~ aahhh~~" in the cinema everytime Taylor Lautner comes out half nude in the movie, which means all the time.

Okay everyone doesn't really like the ending but what do you expect when you are definitely expecting a third and forth movie? Well I am not going to spoil anything for you guys if you haven't watched. It's really not bad, but I am not going to say that it's G.I.Joe-good.

After the movie we went to meet up with Grace, Jess's sister. And now I realized there are a lot of photos missing from my camera, I am guessing Grace deleted all of them WTF. Oh and I finally found someone who can be as "punctual" as me! Grace! We waited for like an hour for her and I was so happy to know that I am not the only one like that! Tee hee XD

So we went to lecka-lecka in front of StarHill for Shisha. It's my first time though. It was quite insulting when Grace was so surprised that it was my first time, she said "I thought you are the clubbing type". Hey I am a good boy ok!?

Well, can blame her no, when I look like this...

DAMN BAD ASS RIGHT?

I kept on choking on the smoke at the beginning, and Jess only got like no smoke puffing out of her mouth. Grace kept on teaching us, like a pro. She even did doughnuts, and my dear nerdy friends, that's what we call vortex in fluid mechanics. Grace said she goes for shisha during lunch break at her college, like almost everyday. O.o HAHAHA you are so dead if auntie finds out!

Just like she taught us, I am going to show you a tutorial on puffing shisha:

First, you suck it deep.

And then you exhale.

And nothing comes out. O.o

So you try until you achieve this:

TADA!

And here is the pro...

For a better effect, place a sitting sister beside you.

So that you can bury her in smoke like that.

HAHAHA LOL @ Jess's face!

And to avoid any misunderstanding, I am the healthy clubbing type can? I never smoked anything! And now I smoke Shisha! I heard that it's worse than cigarette and I also heard that it's not harmful at all. So, I really don't know. So let's just find out.

All I know, is that it makes me dizzy for a few seconds and I look like this on camera...

If you ever see me on the street like this, don't say hi, I may not be as responsive as usual.

Shisha is so fun it makes me happy, even when I was pissed. I ordered Nachos and then we decided to move to a more comfortable table and they took my half eaten nachos away! )": I effing hate the staffs there can? They just keep on doing everything other than the right thing.

My half eaten nachos. Nice and cheesy!

Ah well, shisha is not like cigarette and it's not addictive. It's just something fun and I'd do it again with the right bunch of friends occasionally. Which when I come to think of it now, I have none. Ok, I guess I'll have to bring my mom then.

And this is what Jess bought me from Aus along with chocolate, a boomerang, a key chain and a 'no fat chick' sign. A flexible kangaroo toy! It's so ugly I love it!

And it looks exactly like her. Thanks bitch.

About the 'no fat chick' sign, I am quite confused when she gave it to me too. Doesn't she want me to drive her home? So confusing...

HAHAHAHA I can already see Jess making that angry face now. It's so fun to bully her!

It was so nice seeing Jess. After all the things that I've been going through lately, it's really really awesome to see an old friend, hanging out and doing things that I enjoy doing and to talk and laugh and joke like I used to do. It's like taking a break from thinking about the present and reality. It feels so comfortable.

Too bad she is already flying off next Wednesday, and HuiYin is only coming back on Thursday. What a miss. ) : Srsly sucks. HuiYin come back now! Immediately!

Okay, enough of blogging, it's lunch time now, and then lab report, and then BOB, and then more WAITING. Sucks to get back into reality.

Bangkok Trip

2009-11-27T13:57:00.001+08:00

NOTE: Sorry folks only part of the photos are available, and those are the ones that I uploaded a few months back into this blog draft. The others are all in my desktop, which is now broken. Long story... Will talk about it next time on my birthday entry. ) : Hope the memories can still be recovered.

Which happened a very long time ago somewhere in July... DANG!!!

Albeit being marked one of the red zone during the outbreak of h1n1, we still insisted on going to Bangkok. Although from a pack of 8 we downsized to 4.

What I hate most about travelling, is the travelling. Yes, the travelling to the destination. Be it by bus, car, plane or whatever, it is the most boring part of all.

That's because everyone has to wake up really early...

No exception for old grandma...

Poor thing, was she sleeping in the cab?

Have to wait for the always-delayed-plane to get flying... Which makes no sense to the waking up early.

No exception for old grandma...

Pathetic LCCT

And... TOUCH DOWN!

Nice Bangkok airport with glass ceiling. Can sun-tan indoor!

And spend the next one hour being stuck in the traffic

It was so jammed, that uncle started to sell his goods in the middle of the road.

And finally, arriving at the hotel and have to wait for the check-in!!! Wah Lao! It's like half of the trip we spend on this kinda thing can?

No, it's a wrinkled mannequin standing at the door. Did I mention that mannequin also helped us to carry our luggage? I wonder why they dress him up like a nutcracker... That reminds me... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And this lady still works here! She was here the 1st time I went there, which was 2 years back.

You can't see her nametag but I remember her because her name is SupaPORN, which is funny. Go figure.

A shop that my mom goes to all the time when she worked in Bangkok.

The Tauke

The coconut, makes me so thirsty now

The dishes and that hand belongs to a hungry grandmother

This is chicken soup with ginger I think? Tom Ka Kai or something...

And this is I don't know what it is. It's all curry and seafood. And it's much nicer than how it looks.

Be thankful you don't work as an electrician in Bangkok.

Can you imagine how 4 fat people fit into ONE tut-tut?

This was how, and I was sitting on the place where everyone should rest their legs. I don't understand why we can't have 2 vehicles.

Although it was tiring and all, we were so happy because we were going for shopping!

See? My mom and Ms. Liew already got their cash ready.

This tut-tut driver looks damn pissed at something (look at the mirror please). Probably just discovered that his newly wedded wife is a transvestite.

One thing that I love in Bangkok is their street food.

I don't know what it is, but it's crispy and tasty.

Ms. Liew very happy

Platinum is a department store kinda place, which has nothing for men, IMHO. I didn't really get anything at all, except for some t-shirts. WORTH IT, I'd say.

I think they are selling this for like rm30 in Malaysia, but only 110 thai baht which is almost rm11 in Bangkok. And yes, the prints is just so true.

After wasting a lot of time, we got back to the hotel and got ready to go to this buffet cruise that brings us along a river, I forgot what is it called. ENLIGHTEN ME PEOPLE!

In mom's ex-colleague's gf's car

mom's ex-colleague

TOUCH DOWN!!!

And this is the jetty we waited for like an hour for the cruise to arrive.

Mom said, "quick take a picture of me holding grandma, later your aunties think I never take care of her". Damn fake sia

No, this is not our cruise but it looks something like that.

I had more than an inch of hair!

So we were sitting there at the jetty for like somewhat 1 hour just waiting... And guess what happened? A bunch of foreigner youngsters, from some middle east country I guess requested to take photo with my grandma. WTF they thought that she is some thai grandma in traditional clothes. It totally cracked me up at the side. Hello people, she was wearing CHINESE ok?

And... there is no more photos, at least not on my lappy. So let's pray that I can still recover those memories from my desktop, aight?

Overall, it was a good trip. But somehow I didn't enjoy it as much as I did the first time. I remember having more food the last time. This time though... eh eh... Not so much. I can't wait till the next time! I love Bangkok!! I love I love I love!!!

P/S: I want to go shopping in London next summer! Mom! Save up! KaiMa I am coming to find you!!!

Alphabets are never enough

2009-11-26T16:04:00.006+08:00

Spotted! E hand in hand with M.

X, S, P, M... So who's up next ~~month~~ week? B? J?

*sigh* 26 letters are just never enough.

Guys, pump up the cardio, run before you can't from her hands, in her hands.

You know you love me. XOXO.

P/S : Nothing personal. ( :

FML

2009-11-15T22:53:00.003+08:00

fuck my life.

No, not kidding. Not literally though... Like it makes sense...

My life is such a mess right now. I really don't know what I really want.

In almost every sense. School, love, friends... LIFE...

This, right here right now, is a very dark period of my life... as what it has been. For quite a while now...

There is almost no light.

This is a very dark time. It feels almost, like when you're playing Star/WarCraft and the last of your standing army is dead, and back at the base, when you want to start building your new army, the enemies attack and your defense is almost gone. It feels like that. Helpless.

Because there is simply nothing that you can do at all. The ACE is not in your spread in hand. All you have, is just a nuisance spread of scattered numbers, that makes no sense. No pair, no full house, no flush, no straight... nothing.

And then you wait... You just keep waiting for that call. You just sit there, and wait for that call to happen. At times, you get frustrated, at times, you get disappointed, at times, you get too busy with the things that you are putting onto yourself, that you forget. Which is good, forgetting, is the best that you can do. Now, that's the worst when forgetting is the best that you can do. It's almost like death.

I am sorry, because this entry is apparently, not too joyful... And also most of you don't understand what the hell am I saying. But please bear with me. In the end of the day, this is a personal blog. I really don't wish to see another person leaving nasty comments telling me what to do. Telling me that I am an ungrateful child who has everything and frets that I have nothing. You may know something but you don't know everything so stfu.

Now, the only person that I can rely on. Is Teddy. He is the only one person who stands by me all the time. The only person that never leaves me. The only person who knows what to say. The only person who is most comforting, who doesn't speak needles. I know, am I serious? I am. It may sound very dumb to those of you without a dog, but it's not.

P/S: To my friends, family out there, if you read this, and if you see me tomorrow, let's just pretend that this entry doesn't exist, okay? Because I really, really just want to pretend that my life is just absolutely fine. I really just want to start keeping myself busy, let the time goes by.

P/P/S: I am fine, thank you.

Sorry...

2009-11-12T16:33:00.004+08:00

It's not my fault that my life is uninteresting...

Hence no update... =D

I am currently starving myself to get rid of my love handle, and also to save up for my iPhone. I can already forsee myself holding an iPhone in 3 months. XD

Why am I so poor? Why can't I afford an iPhone without starving?! FML srsly!

Oh anyway, Happy Birthday Celestia!!! It's been great having you as my house&classmate. And what time is the movie later?

Uhuh, we are going to watch 2012 at BALAKONG later. Typing it in capital letters enhances the effect of the word. It's like... BALAKONG!!! You feel me?

Why would anyone name a place BALAKONG? It sounds so BALAKONG. Very uncool. It's like... "Hey my name is Lim Ah Kaw and I am from BALAKONG!". Srsly, no offence to anyone named Lim Ah Kaw or from Balakong. I am totally just quarter joking about all these.

Okay, enough of the randomness. BYE

The Rise of It All

2009-10-30T00:33:00.018+08:00

This is me. Speaking the truth.

DANGER: Those who can't handle the truth, or simply can't handle long posts, kindly move your mouse pointer to the upper right of the screen, and click the 'X' button.

SEMI-DANGER: In order to keep everyone entertained and awake while reading, I've decided to cam-whore specially for this post. :D Not really. I just like to cam whore.

Like this...

Ever felt like we are so small? Minority of the world?

Ever felt looked down upon and discriminated even when nobody shows it out loud?

Ever felt ashamed to be a Malaysian?

We all felt it. Don't even bother to deny.

Well, I can tell you that we can stop feeling that way, and start to make a change. Now.

Yes, our government sucks. BIG TIME. (MOST) Malaysian politicians are the spoiler of everything. No name mentioned. The ones who feel it, are the ones whom I am talking about. They are the ones who portray the most of racism, the ones that stimulate and well, most of the time, cause it.

It's true, almost, if you really think about it.

And if you are thinking "no, I am a born racist", then you don't deserve to be a Malaysian. Yes, please migrate. We don't welcome you. I am being very frank here. I am not a racist, I was a racist. I became a racist ever since National Service, and stopped being one a few moments ago. Yes, I am fickle minded like that. Not really, I was really in the process of accepting everything.

I've come to know that there are different kinds of people all around, REGARDLESS of the race. Race, is not an issue; The issue, is the way we are brought up.

As a matter of fact, whatever I am going to say, I am being very frank. Nothing racist, just heart-felt words. Only so true, only the things that we all already know. But only choose to ignore.

And this message is only for the racists:

To Chinese,

You are not really all that smart. Malays are not all stupid and dirty and lazy. Well, face it, that's what most of you think. But that's so untrue. There are different kinds of people, but only REGARDLESS of the race.

Teddy's work

There are rude people all around, and they are only being rude to other races because they are brought up in poor family backgrounds. They say harsh words to you, and you feel the heat. You don't feel it from your own race, because your race don't do that to you. Those people (applicable to all races) are only rude to other races. Agree? That's where it starts to SPREAD.

Hence the cage.

Do you get what I mean? It's the same for Malays and Indians and other races. For instance, innocent Malays think that Chinese are all racists and bad and rude, because those Chinese who are brought up badly portray racism. But they don't feel it from their own race, because for sure their own race don't portray that kinda racism to their own race. Because they are taught to be racists and how do they 'racist' their own race? Makes sense?

That's when the sense of hatred between races begin. And it keeps spreading and it will never end. Unless we stop it.

And yes, it's really unfair that the government sides the Malays. But that's not the rakyat's fault, is it? I told you, the government MENCETUSKAN it all. They start the sparks and it burns, and it spreads, and then explodes. Think about it. So true, isn't it?

To Malays, Malaysia doesn't only belong to you. If you think otherwise, you really need to move into the jungle and have a kingdom of yourself, all along with your racist swarm of people. Then, you will have a country all to yourself. Malaysia is ours. We are the citizens. And it's really medieval to even think in that retarded-ly old fashioned way. Please, live in today's civilization. This is not a kampung, this is a country. We are moving forward, to achieve ONE MALAYSIA. What are you doing, sabotaging the effort that we are making?

For a very quick instance, earlier this year, the case whereby Mr. Luqman from UiTM naively thought that his university was only for Malays, and very strongly disagree the decision made to accept 10% of non-Malays into the school. Come on... 10%? Are you kidding me? He is just so speechlessly stupid. And no, not all Malays are like that. He is like that. Some people are like that. Nothing to do with his race. He thought he made his race happy, but to tell you the truth, his race is not very happy with his action. That's not patriotism you're practicing, that's racism.

To Indians, I don't really know what to tell the racists. Just... No, you are not really any higher class than any other races. And stop being racist to your own race.

We are all human. We are all the same. Why diverse us based on our skin? Why discriminate each other? ~~Don't you know that I am tanned? And I like to get tanned?~~

Do not hate the entire race just because a fringe of them do something awful. Do not judge everyone based on only a few random cases you read on the newspaper. Those few people, are those few people. Just because they have the same religion, or the same skin tone, it doesn't make them related to each other. No. Not related.

I love my ever-dying fishes

Why not, instead we just keep moving forward altogether! Make this country a prettier place to live it. I love my Malay neighbors, I love my Indian neighbors. They are the ones who took care of me when my mom leaves me at home alone. They are the ones who lend me screwdrivers when I need them. I only hate racists. I only hate people who hate me.

TO SUM IT ALL UP IN MY OWN WORDS :

RACISM IS JUST SO LAST SEASON

So...

Well...

I never really thought I'd write such a long post. Because I never really thought that I would write anything about racism when I wrote that first line. And then somehow it led me to feel the racism among us, and then I started to write... and on and on I wrote.

Okay, don't fret. But this is where I actually start my main topic. So, back to the topic!

ZOMG this is so exciting!

Ever felt like Malaysians are not really all that great? Ever felt like we don't produce anything good, or even comparable than any other countries?

You are fucking wrong.

We, er... They produce great, excellent, FANTASTIC music!!! They are the Malaysian bands!!!

Okay, to be very honest. I am never too into any Malaysian bands. But once in a while I heard excellent songs on the radio and I'd want to download them from the internet. And guess what? Each and every song in question, I realized, those are the songs produced by our own bands. Well, examples: Silly lilly, 10:04, Prom Queen, Through My Window and tonnes more! Those are the songs that make you wanna dance and listen to it a thousand times a day!

I have no idea about other bands, since I don't really follow. But these bands, Bunk Face and One Buck Short. THEY ROCK MY PLAYLIST!!! Seriously, Green Day vs Bunk Face? I'd say Bunk Face. One Buck Short vs Smash Mouth? I'd say One Buck Short. Bunk Face vs One Buck Short? You decide. They are absolutely FANTASTIC!

Okay, writer's block... I was too drawn into silly lilly I was watching on youtube just now. Paiseh. XP

Not only do they produce fantastic music! They look not bad as well!

Bunk Face:

Okay, maybe not this one...

Not bad! Right? I like the "dadu(dice)" tee. Note: Same people from previous pic.

One Buck Short:

Why Sean Kingston? When we have Mooky(fat one) from One Buck Short?

And here are some songs that I really really love:

There are really a lot more than this! Find out and get their albums from the store! I think they have new albums coming out. Support Malaysian ~~Brands!~~ Bands!!!

P/S: Correct me if I am wrong.

Killing my life

2009-10-29T18:29:00.004+08:00

What?

Sorry friends, haven't been updating much lately. by much I mean at all.

Just not really in the mood for anything right now. Stress is building up with reports and coursework and tests, and I am doing nothing about it.

(I hope that my mom shuts up when she sees this. It's either that, or I will change my URL because I hate blog reading parents)

I will deal with my own problems. Don't even think about making any noise. It's only going to make you look very ugly.

No offense mom.

Don't ask me about my life...

It sucks. Because the reality is contradicting with the idealism. By that I mean my life is in a very bad shape. I am supposed to be saving for my iPhone, instead I am already spending my next week allowance. I am supposed to be doing my coursework and report and tutorials, instead I am... not doing them. I am supposed to be eating healthier, instead I've been eating fats and carbs and junks more than anything else.

So yes, I really need to give a head start into fixing my life, getting things back into the ideal order.

Hm... Recently, I've only been working out and nothing else. My life is back to humdrum-ness and nothing seems to be changing at all.

Okay, story time.

So I was at the gym yesterday. Soon Ming and her bf tagged along to MV. I did a 35 minute-cardio, hoping that my stomach would disappear. I went to check at the changing room. Tummy was still there. Disappointed, I came back out to do my weight training.

I wanted to do my chest. Someone was already occupying the machine that I wanted to use. So, instead of wasting time, I just used the next one. Hoping that by the time I finished 5 reps, the guy would just evaporate.

5 reps done, a new guy was using the machine. To be exact and fair, by using I mean hogging. Half way working out, he was thirsty. So he decided to take a sip at the water dispenser which is almost half across the gym. WTF. And he simply just left his towel on the seat, deterring anyone who might use the machine. Come on dude, you spent like an entire 5 minutes drinking water. And me and another guy were just standing there, staring at the machine.

Of course no one dared to touch your stinky sweaty towel right?

Now, where the hell is the owner of that towel!?

Look at that towel? This is the first time in my life a towel hurts my eyes so much.

I know, this is really common. People hogging the machine. But that my friend, is around the ungodly peak hour of 5! How could you just hog the machine like that? Inconsiderate.

You want to take a sip? Take a sip, but please remove your dirty towel. You know I could've finished 1 rep already in 5 minutes? And that saved my 5 minutes! I AGE IN THAT FREAKING 5 MINUTES. I might even die in that 5 minutes. And I would die, not having done any chest incline push up!

What if half way drinking and you had diarrhea? What if you suddenly needed to go to the toilet? Or you really needed to masturbate? What then? So everyone cannot use that machine right? Because again, no one dares to touch your towel what! How we know if you have herpes!? Because you look like that kind that has it.

What if you saw your friend at the water dispenser and you decided to talk to him, arranging your next sex rendezvous, assuming that you are gay?

Seriously, regardless of whether you are homo, we could have shared the machine, doing it alternatively. NOT simultaneously, please. That's what people do, during peak hours like that.

Grrr! I fucking hate your horrid face. You either have no brain, or your mom never taught you how to share. WtF. No, I don't want to share your underwear, or your towel.

How can people be so inconsiderate?

Okay, so I gave up on waiting for him. And I didn't want to watch him lifting weight like a sissy. I went to do my back, and guess what happened?

I did my first rep. I stood up, I stretched at the side. And while I stretch, this retarded looking uncle suddenly sat down on the machine and started doing his irrelevant work out. By irrelevant I mean he only wanted to use the seat for some other work out that doesn't require the machine. WTF, is he blind or what? Didn't he see I was using it? And he didn't even bother to ask me whether I was still using or not. Again, WE COULD HAVE SHARED!!!

Why can't this people understand simple general society quo? We share! You ask, and then we can share. If I say no then it's just too bad, right? But normally I say yes, unless you have horrendous features and I really mind sharing anything with you. But that doesn't happen usually. You can't be any uglier than my new house mate. I am entirely serious.

Please, my fellow gym mates, please do ask if you are desperate to use the machine. Ask and we shall share. And please do not hog any machine like that. It's very uncivilized and people might think that you are from Kampung Sungai Bersih. Or maybe you are. I don't know. And most of all, it causes inconvenience. People might die while you hog.

So, stop the murder. Have moral values, be ethical, make this earth a better place! Please, at least give me some convenience bro!

Bon Appetit !!!

2009-10-21T01:56:00.005+08:00

Before I really go to bed...

Here you go, a video I made today

Ugh, wonder what happened to the cat. Celest suggested that someone grabbed its head to scrub the floor. I think it's not very difficult to believe that. It looks almost like it.

lol at Jo-Ann.

You are a fucking moron / Gremlin in the house

2009-10-21T00:58:00.009+08:00

The first day I met you, I already dislike you to the very core because of the in-aestheticism your face very much possesses. In other words, you are just fucking ugly. You are, unfortunately infected by the face problem disease. The only word that I can use to describe your face, is that you look like a fucking retard, and that is just an understatement.

Well, then again, it does suit you very well. I mean your face. Because you are really as retarded as you look. And then again, retard is only an understatement. A very very very very understated -ment.

Your hair is really ugly. So are your eyes, your nose, your mouth. Well... basically, I can just go on and on and on and on and on and on until my fingers drop off my hands if I were to list your ugly organs. I will really need a biology text book. And then it all clumps up and make up a very disgusting person, you. Simply nauseating.

But. BUT. Because I decided to stop being a judgmental person, whom I used to be. I didn't want to judge you. I treated you as a normal human being. A housemate. I didn't like you very much, but I never hated you. But now it's a different story. It turned out, that being judgmental is the right thing to do. Always.

I forgot your name. But all I know, you are a year 3 student, taking Mechanical Engineering. (correct me Jo-Ann, if I am wrong)

Leave that aside, but the fact is, I fucking hate you.

It's okay you don't like to socialize with us. It's okay, that you are really really creepy that you creep and lurk around the house without anyone knowing and just slip out of the shadow, out of nowhere all of a sudden and scare the crap out of me. Almost all the time.

Do you realize? You have to remember that your face isn't exactly pleasant. You have to keep it in mind that you are so hideous that you make gremlins look cute and adorable and kissable.

And a gremlin looks like this.

Kissable.

Use your imagination, your face popping out of nowhere in the house.

Scary.

It's okay that you don't like Teddy, and it's also okay that sometimes when you come back really late at night and Teddy would bark at your noise and wake me up.

It's okay.

But tolerance has its limit. I cannot tolerate inconsideration. Because when you came back just now. Apparently I, we, us housemates, including the dog and the fishes, were already asleep. WERE. WERE. WERE. Past tense! Because I am fucking awake now. Don't tell me you never assumed us being asleep. The lights were all FUCKING OFF! Unless you are a retard, which then again, you are.

It is not O-fucking-kay!

I was already asleep. I was already dreaming. ALREADY. ALREADY. WAS. ALREADY. Now no more. NO MORE.

You brought God knows how many friends, assumed to be as retarded as you are, back here and you guys just started laughing. And then you guys laughed... And then you guys never stopped laughing.

And no, it wasn't a controlled laugh. It was a BURST OUT LAUGHING laugh. I can almost see you rolling on the floor laughing with your arse popping out of your out-of-style shorts. What's so funny? Seriously? What's so funny that you had to choose to laugh right in front of my room? Was it your face? I think it must be your face. Or maybe, did you come out naked? You know you shouldn't do that when you have a really small willy. It's really embarrassing. People might presume that all your housemates have small willy. So untrue. You are embarrassing me.

I fucking hate you. Because you are selfish, inconsiderate, smelly, ugly, stupid, retarded, full of nose crap, smelly, creepy, irritating, smelly, never wash toilet, slappable and fucking smelly.

Please, when you look at the mirror (not sure if you do or not), please feel very very stupid. Please feel like you are looking at a very stupid person, as if you have a rock for a brain. Because that's how it really is. And I am serious.

I hope you die of suffocation from your own fart, trapped in your unwashed greasy dyed-light-brown hair. I also hope that you die of many alternative ways. Such as having your dick slammed off by car door, herpes, being skinned alive, fucked till death by transsexuals, ETC. Again and again.

Yes, I am THAT inconsiderate. I don't even care how much you'd suffer dying in that many ways those ways. I am THAT fucking heartless.

I hope your room (and only your room) is haunted. I hope you move out. I want Foong May back in that room. I want a room scented like a lavender garden, I want to pass by a toilet that sparks like a shooting star, I want to sleep VERY soundly every night. I want to fuck you so hard your ass drops out like a stink bomb.

No. Ew. I don't want to do that.

But I still fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you so much fucking a lot. I hope someone will do that. I hope Terence Wong and TKTan will gang fuck you so hard that your fucking wrinkled and cellulited ass drops out like a stink bomb.

DIE!

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE YOU! AND I AM SERIOUS!

I am finally sleepy. Good night.

EYEBAGS

2009-10-15T20:54:00.006+08:00

This is my cousin, and he is 7 years old this year. Or 8.

And his eyebags are twice the size of mine.

So eff you bitch.

Some people are just born with eyebags ok? I always have them. I am not being too self conscious over this. But I just feel like you are the same person as loverboy. You scary hermaphrodite!!!

P/S: This post is specially made AGAINST lynn. The one who always leave comments that projects a very obvious image of her/his twin loverboy. So yes. His/her comment can still be read in my previous post's comment. UGH!! So irritating

Paris Hilton is my cousin

2009-10-15T10:32:00.003+08:00

Why is it so? Well watch this video here... I'll explain

I know I looked crazy in the last few seconds.

It really doesn't matter.

So... It's been so long that I last made a video! And when I did the lousy videos last last night, they were really lousy.

Really.

It's like getting used to writing again after a summer break. My writing gets really lousy. I guess I will just have to practice more. So more videos coming up! Stay 'tubed' people!

P/S: I love you. And you love me too. YOU MUST!

Requested

2009-10-12T23:10:00.002+08:00

So weird, someone requested me to blog about my daily routine. She is so KAW. (kaw means something that I find it really difficult to explain so I think I just won't explain. Tee hee)

So... here goes.

Today...

I woke up in the morning

I brushed my teeth, washed my face, took shower, pee'ed simultaneously.

I then fed Teddy

I grabbed my bag and left for class

The class was boring

Someone's phone rang.

It so happened to be the infamous loner-guy in our class.

It's easy to spot him.

Just spot the guy with a shirt over a t-shirt, chewing gum, long-horse-like face, not good looking, damn act-cool, looks a little retarded...

okay I lied, looks very retarded, and always alone.

So as in class rules, he had to sing a song.

He sang happy birthday.

I laughed my arse out.

And my arse was rolling on the floor, out loud.

I then realized the reason behind the entire mystery.

The mystery that I've been wondering, why he doesn't speak.

He had a terrible... very old toad-like voice.

I am being very mean.

No, I am not. I just mean it, that's all.

But trust me, it was the first time ever I... everyone heard his voice. And it just had to be happy birthday song. :(

Wasn't a pretty sight.

11am class cancelled.

Soon Ming kept bugging me because she is completely lost.

As usual.

Had brunch with Jo-Ann.

Had 6 egg whites, 2 cups of coffee, 1 char-siew pau, and half a bowl of curry mee.

Chilled at the living hall with Celest and Jo-Ann.

Laughed at random stuffs.

Looked at photos taken during the party.

Batt went flat.

Went back to school to fetch YuYu, my cousin. A guy. 5 feet taller than me.

Pulled Teddy along.

Fetched YuYu back home.

Played StarCraft.

StarCraft the first version.

Wanted to go gym, realized that I left my gym shoes at home in KL.

Felt damn fucked.

Called mom to ask her to bring my shoes to work tomorrow.

What do you mean for what? So that she can wear them for lunch!

Come on, are you serious? So that she can pass it to me tomorrow LAH!

Played some stupid facebook game with Celest and Jo-Ann.

What's it called?

It's a game that everyone plays but the word slipped off my mind.

No, not farm ville, farm ville is not stupid. Farm Ville is beyond retarded.

SCRABBLE!

Until late.

Went up to my room to chat a little.

Came down to fool some guy on Jo-Ann's msn.

Went to eat Bak Kut Teh. Aren't you so jealous now Miss Ha?!

Please continue eating your chicken.

Came back.

Been sitting in front of the computer until now.

Now that I remember.

I forgot to feed Teddy.

But nevermind he is already asleep.

Gonna play StarCraft again now.

Isn't my life so interesting?

P/S: I am totally joking about my cousin being 5 feet taller than me. But yes, he is very tall.

I love it

2009-10-10T02:39:00.000+08:00

I am so so so so so so so so so tanned now!!!

I am vain I am vain I am vain I am tanned vain I am vainly tanned

2009-10-08T18:16:00.011+08:00

Disclaimer: No noob shall ever read this post. Because it's full of dirty words such as fuck and loverboy and WTF and fucking and fucked and fucken because I am very angry.

Sorry friends, have been so busy 'studying' that I couldn't update my blog much.

Okay, the truth is that I've been so troubled with so many things, I just don't have the UMPH to write a proper blog. Or even to talk in front of the camera. Life has been hectic, second week of the semester and we have a test already. 15%. WTF. FFS.

Another bothering issue is my party on this Saturday. I am already really really really really really really really very troubled with all the unprepared catering and rooms and transportation and there they are... causing even more problems. Can't you be more supportive? Are you even my friend? You know who you are (I am not talking about you Miss Sophie and Tshui Ting and those who already went back to hometown and the pregnant one with the husband), I don't think you read my blog anyway. So what the fuck right? And if you do, and you actually got hurt and feel embarrassed reading this, do I look like I care? No I don't, just like you don't care about someone who thought you were a friend. So fuck it. Fuck it. It.

I will definitely write a post about it, when the situation allows me to do so. So anticipate people. And I will also do my Bangkok and Langkawi post soon. I kinda promised earlier so... :D

So yeah, shake them off those lousy angry stuff! I am back on track... guess onto what?

Sun tanning!!!

It's been quite a while since I abandoned my skin and let it get fairer and fairer by the nano-second. Each time I look at the mirror, I see an uglier and uglier person. Without colours. It hurts my eyes. Hence the tanning. Doing outdoor sun and machine tanning combo. Tee Hee. And check out the result.

I am so tanned I am so tanned I am so tanned yayyy

This is not enough though. More! Let's pray for the wind to blow away all the clouds. And I can't wait to see the result tomorrow in the tanning salon!

Actually, I only intended to post an entry with only photos and some captions... But my fingers just kept typing words and... Yeah. So I've come to the main purpose of this post. Photos! I've been feeling really really hot and sexay today! So I just decided to take some really really really sexy photos of myself!

Like this!!!

So SEXY.........ly retarded

Yes loverboy, my eyes are not of even sizes.

Oh oh oh wait, and I almost forgot... Fuck you.

Er... friends, that's not a marker pen drawn word on my wrist, it's what we call a tattoo. A fucking real one.

And hence ends this post.

I can only define my frustration via this photo here...

Please imagine.

I am SO FUCKING IRRITATED NOW!

I fucking hate you. Don't f*(this star here is absolutely fucking pointless)cking try to fake anything at all. Don't be a hypocrite and act as if I am your bro and am very close to you. I am not. I fucking hate poor acting on TV, and good acting in real. I just so fucking hate you. WTF. I hate you. I hate you! Hate you! YOU!

Okay, enough of the disgruntlement. I am going downstairs, as a very very happy and cheerful and joyful and youthful and calm person now. To learn HYSYS from Jo-Ann... Yes, that's what I am, a happy and cheerful and youthful and calm ordinary normal non-emotional person...

I AM SO (insert favourite swear words here)ing IRRITATED!!!

P/S: Don't bother to do so mommy, if you are going to ask me why am I learning stuff from my friends instead of from the class. That's because I am stupid.

P/P/S: Just to be tallied with my disclaimer... loverboy fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken loverboy fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked fucken fucking fucked f*(again, this star here is absolutely fucking useless)cken.

Hello?

2009-10-05T00:54:00.010+08:00

Me: Did any of my fishes die?

Celest: None of your fishes died, but only one is alive.

Me: Are you serious?

Celest: Yes! How many fishes were there supposed to be?

Me: Like 5-6?

Celest: But only 1 left... no dead fishes

Me: Search around the room? They probably jumped out of the tank

Jo-ann: Don't have

Me: You look properly please?

Jo-ann: Don't have

Me: You got search or not?

Jo-ann: Don't have

Me: You guys bluffing 1 right?

Jo-ann: NO!!! Really don't have!!!

Me: So my fishes just dissolved into the water?

Celest: Shouldn't be... (according to the first law of thermodynamics) Fishes don't dissolve into the water. Hehehe...

Me: Fine...

So, I got back to Semenyih... And indeed, no dead fishes found. But ALAS! Taking a closer look. There they were, fishes stuck to the filter and they were already moulding. With fungus SPROUTING out of their stomachs. Ew.

Fret not though, I've already bought new fishes. So fuck the dead ones. Already flushed down the toilet bowl. And so very sorry I didn't take any photo of the dead ones because I never intended to blog about it, until now when I got really bored. The previous statement was made in assumption that you are a sadist who enjoys seeing sprouting fungus out of stomachs.

Okay, only words are so boring so I just have to take photos of the new ones. Wait a minute... No no... Wait for minutes...

A little longer...

A while more...

Transferring the photos...

Uploading...

And...

Here you go!

A little empty right? Surely need a bigger fish

There you go! New species. Not for sale though. Very expensive.

Can do a lot of things

Can smile at the camera...

Act cool...

And even blog.

Oh and look what I found in my camera!

Photos I still managed to take before the previous batch of fishes died. :D

How very sad, all the fishes in that photo are no longer living. Look at their eyes... Their soulful eyes... How hopeful were they thinking that they could live with such a handsome master. Now they don't even have eyes.

One of the babies

One of the babies... and one of the dead babies. Spot it on the left. The one with the deformed stomach. Mutated I guess

Bah... Ikan Bilis.

And the last and only survivor from the previous batch. Separated from the rest, got infected by H1N1. Now resting... almost in peace. Or pieces, by tomorrow morning. Already very weak and not moving much. It's going to look exactly like its reflection on the tank-base soon. ) :

Shall I just flush it down the toilet and spare the ugly sight? ( :

21

2009-10-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

I just hit 21!

And guess what...

No light suddenly went out.

No floating candles on a cake with out-of-tuned birthday song.

No nothing.

) :

...

Excuse me people, just because you are going to my party on the 1oth doesn't mean you don't need to surprise me okay?

Fine!

So yes! I am having a party! Well, due to my birthday being on a weekday, and the coming Saturday is mooncake festival and noone will be free. I can't have it on my real birthday or anywhere near it.

So I am having a birthday party on the 10th of October at A' Famosa! We are renting three bungalows and there will be 12 rooms and 3 living halls available. Well, if not enough place then we will just not sleep. So feel free to crash my party yo!

I seriously have no idea what to do yet. But I guess I will just have to come up with something, and I promise it's going to be fun! And bombard me with suggestions!

Omg... I really can't wait now! I CAN'T! I want to party!!!

Oh have I told you yet? My dress code will be weird. What do you mean what's so weird about my dress code? My dress code is WEIRD! Yes! Everyone is going to dress up in weird clothing! Like... mismatched out of mind weird!

WOOHOO!!! YAHOO!!! GOOGLE!!!

I am 21!!! I can have sex (or was it 3 years ago?)! I can get married! I can gamble! I CAN FUCK A HORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MALL!!!

I can barely believe this... I am officially an ADULT! I no longer need to talk sense! I no longer need to give reasons! I no longer need to keep my promises! I no longer need to listen to others' suggestions! Yay!!! This is just GREAT!

I can even fuck around and be forgiven because I am an adult! And adults have needs! And it's only ~~human~~ adult to have needs to fuck around! I can shop and criticize others for shopping too much! I am so blessed with this kind of prior priviledge that NO KIDS can ever have!

OK OK... Rubbish aside. I hereby declare...

NO KIDS ALLOWED

Psst...

2009-09-29T00:06:00.003+08:00

Life has been great down here in Semenyih. The classes that we attended were full of constructing ideas and enlightenment. I just love attending the classes, because instead of falling asleep, I stay wide awake and in full attention to the lessons.

I even fell in love with the lecturers, so much that I can't wait to see them again. They are the apple of my eyes, their voice are like songs pulled out of the strings of an angelic harp.

I love them.

I just can't wait to go to school again. Just sitting there in the classroom, makes me feel so happy and wonderful and... satisfied.

Well, not only I enjoy the time during classes; even after classes, life can never be more interesting.

After class, there are just so many things to do. So many places to go. I thank God for providing these things for us to keep us occupied and not depressed at all.

Oh well, I guess I just can't say more to describe the kinda good and refreshing vibe that I get here. That's simply because I just can't bear to lie anymore. And I am already feeling very guilty and sorry for all my fellow school mates who are going through the same suicidal routine with me every single day.

God bless all of us. A-men.

Please, realize the sarcasm already!

In case some of you are still stupid as ever and don't ever get it. I lied about having a great life and everything good about Semenyih. And if you are still wondering, and if you don't know me, I study at Nottingham, which is also located at Semenyih, which is also, coincidently, very very boring and dull. I am already beginning to wonder why didn't they name this place Boringnyih.

Okay bye nothing interesting to blog about. Will do my Vlog as soon as I get my tripod stand.

I love you.

Psst... Teddy is sleeping, like an old man.

I am sorry I can't help to think of either Gollum or an old man when I look at Teddy. ) :

You love me.

Looking back...

2009-09-27T12:37:00.009+08:00

...it really had been such a long time since I had you.

Well, we were so happy together. Perhaps, you didn't feel anything. Well then at least I was really happy. I remember when I first met you, I was more than delighted. I even remember myself jumping around in my room like a crazy person because I just couldn't contain my BURSTING joy... Screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!". So stupid, I know.

As day goes by, my feelings for you had really grown. Until the extent, that I can't even imagine my life without you. ALTHOUGH, yes, although I know that soon we will be apart. Life, phases make it impossible for us to hold our hands together forever. So, the only thing I could do, was to enjoy each and every moment, cherish each and every moment, and remember each and every moment that we had together.

I remember the places that we went together. It was you who made it possible for us to go to so many places anyway...

Each and every moment that we had together, I will really remember and cherish the memory for a really really really long time. I promise!!! I won't ever forget... That we sleep late together, we wake up together, we play games together, we go to gym together, we dance around together, we play with my dogs together, we take our own sweet time to walk around places together, we take shower together, we do almost everything together.

However, my dear, however much I hate saying goodbye... Goodbye. It is just impossible for us to be together forever. And that does not mean I don't love you, that does not mean I stopped or will ever stop loving you. I don't know why but I kinda feel like a jerk saying all these, because these are the things only a JERK can say. Because these are what ALL JERKS say (you know who you are, and you are reading my blog). But you know I am not a jerk. Well perhaps, perhaps one day I'll be lucky enough to be able to have you forever. But no, I can't do this, yet. I know you might think that this is just some kinda lame excuse. And based on what I just said 20 words ago, I know you are hating on me to my guts. Because apparently I don't even feel anything and only look for a reason to leave. But no my dear, I don't want to leave.

It is really against my will, but also beyond my strength to stop. This is life. Blame it on life. Because I am blaming on it too. We both know that I am also a victim! Another reason we must be apart, is due to my mom. My mom found out about us the first day I met you. And she wasn't very happy. She wasn't very happy at the fact that we were going to be together for such a long time. She thinks it makes me a useless person, she thinks I am only wasting my time. She even said something as insulting as "why don't you just do something else?". My dear, she said something as deplorable as that. She marked it an X.

I really want you to understand how I feel, and I think you really do. And I don't want you to feel too sad, although something tells me that you really won't feel sad at all. But one thing I can be sure of, is that I am going to be very unhappy. Very very unhappy.

Suddenly, I feel so angry. And I am hating on you! How could you!? How could you tell me that you are leaving so early? Why did you even come by and give me so much hope? Why was it so long but it felt so short? And after this, you won't even feel anything for me. But this is so unfair! Because it's not going to be like that for me! I am going to feel everything! I am going to feel all the suffering! All the life-hatred! All the blaming and cursing and screaming and traumatizing!

I want to beg, holding and clinging onto your legs, crying and asking you not to leave. But I can't do that. Because you don't have legs. I am sorry I am being a little insensitive. But this is really what I feel. Let's just concentrate on the first sentence in this paragraph, shall we?

*Sigh*

Enough said, I think. Now, it's time for me to bid you farewell. It's time for me to end all these. It's time for me to tell you that I really love you and will always do. It's time for me to tell you that I miss you so much already.

Goodbye, I love you and will always do. I am missing you so much already. I really love you... I really do!!! I am crying out loud right now. I am crying and crying but no tears come out. I am screaming and having a tantrum. And my mom is scolding me right now, even my grandma is nagging.

I know you will come around, I even know the exact date you are coming around next. I've already checked the schedule, it's on 30th May 2010. I guess I will have to let you go for now... ByeBye, I love you SUMMER BREAK.

I am going to have a MAJOR TANTRUM...

2009-09-23T15:00:00.003+08:00

... if you force me to go back to school!!!

) :

I just had a uber scary nightmare. In the dream, I was back to school... All my friends were there. It was already somewhat 1 week or so since the school had started, in the dream.

Suddenly, all my friends were submitting their homework. And they kept telling me that the marks given will be included in our final results. And the subject was Islamic studies or something like that (total lame I tell you! I was so angry in the dream that they made us study that). I didn't worry much at first, I thought I could just refer to my friend's work. But when my friend pulled out the stack of book-like papers. I freaked out. It was so scary! Everyone was running as if for life to the department office to submit their homework, and I was just panicking because it looked like it contained a lot of percentage.

Well, what's funny was when Ah Leong pulled out a piece of paper with some scribbles on it and said it was his homework when everyone else pulled out the stacks. I totally ignored him because I was so freaked out already.

I don't want to go back to school!!!! ) :

I am just kidding... 5 more days people. 5 more days! :D I am so excited I can't wait to go back there to annoy all of you!!! Aren't you anticipated too? :D

Voila!!! A Flower Is Made!

2009-09-23T14:39:00.005+08:00

Sorry friends haven't been vlogging for such a long long time. But I am back now!

I had to wear my mom's glasses. Prescripted ones so the whole time I couldn't be sure if there was an earth quake. The Sunday maid decided to smash my heart framed glasses. I don't know how. I just woke up and found it on the table like that. I hate her. She always breaks my things. I hate her.

Anyway, I am going to fix it real soon. So no worries. I will still be wearing them.

Dear loverboy

2009-09-20T13:32:00.014+08:00

~~You may not know me, but I know you.~~

I may not know you, but you know me...

...generally.

I am glad that I have an unknown reader reading my blog. Because all I ever thought, is that my blog readers would be my friends or the people that I know of. I know this is very sad.

In case you don't know that I don't know who you are, I don't know who you are. And just FTW, I am not interested to find out. (please, FTW is not WTF) (Psst, Tshui Yee, FTW means for the win)

I'm thankful that you've been quite a loyal reader of my blog, that almost every time I posted an entry, you'd leave a comment.

But I must say, I hate you. Okay, hate is a strong word. I dislike you. I very very dislike you so much.

I am not other famous bloggers who don't care and say and mean "I can take false criticisms and haters for no reason". Because I can't. And most the comments that you have left, I very much would want to pretend that I don't give an eff about them. Which I pretended to ignore. But I really feel very offended. Because I do mind when someone hates me, whoever you are. Especially for no reason.

Because all I am thinking is "this dude doesn't even know me".

Seriously, dude.

Are you jealous over something or... something?

Well, I said it. And it's not because I think superior of myself. Maybe I am superior in your opinion, but I really don't think so.

Is it because I look like a normal human being? If you also look like a normal human being, then you shall have no reason to be so desperately jealous; That every time, every SINGLE time I said something that you could grab and hold on to, you'd just keep throwing insults at me. What do you mean by that's not DESPERATELY jealous? That's desperate dude.

So that said, I am agreeing to the fact that I live a very mundane life. I come from a poor single-parent family, my dogs are smelly, I got only 60.3 in average in my first year. I am lazy. I still haven't brushed my teeth now.

See? Dude? See? Can you see it now? There is really nothing much for you to be jealous about me. I am not even good looking. I am so ugly, okay? I am hideous. I am disgusting. I gross my own mother out, she can't even look at me when she eats without puking.

See? I told you!

So please, move on.

I am not forcing you to not come to my blog anymore, I am not asking you to stop leaving nasty comments either. Simply because it's entirely your freedom and right to do so. But I'm just telling you that there really isn't anything for you to be jealous about me. Unless you gross both your parents out.

But the question is: What is wrong with you?

What is it that I did that had offended you so much, that you are holding so much grudge against me? Why do you want to live in such hatred my poor friend? (I don't actually mean it when I say friend, it's just a manner of addressing. So, please do not misunderstand. I don't very much want any brotherhood with you)

Wait a minute, are you the same guy that I told you I would give you sweets the next day if you don't disturb the girls, but I didn't? In kindergarten? Okay, I am fervently feeling very truly sorry, for you.

Okay, here you go. Pick one of your choice. Alright? Pick all! Go on!

Dude, seriously. You've gotta move on, whatever I did to you. Because I really can't remember whatever it was. And one more thing for sure, is that you don't even know me. And all your comments speak of nothing that doesn't judge me. As if you've known me for my entire life. You don't even know what's going on when I say certain things.

I didn't do anything to you, did I? Why are you doing this? Seriously. Why are you so disturbed?

Or are you just looking for attention? Wrong place. Go here. Okay? Sorry Kate. Or just get yourself a blog. Then you can get as much of attention as you can get. Or sing out loud in the middle of the streets, naked. Or anything else! There are so many things to do to get yourself attention. Okay? My average traffic is only 30 hits per day, and that is if I update often. And by often I mean everyday. So yeah, wrong place for attention.

It's been so long that I've stopped being racist. And it's been so long since I blogged anything political. It's been even longer since I've gossiped about anyone on my blog... I hope.

My blog has only been about me me me and me. So what's your problem? What's your problem with me me me and me? Is it because I promised to blog about my Bangkok trip and it's only half done? I am sorry okay!? I am trying really really hard to persuade my other self to finish that entry. But he just doesn't want to!

Who said I don't want to! It was you!

No! You!

Come on, My other self!! Just finish that entry, okay?

Okay.

See? It's agreed now, that we will finish that entry and post it up soon, enough. We hope we don't change our minds, though.

So stop hating on me. I am so adorable. How could you even hate me?

Trash aside. Just a little thing on the side note before I go to nap, I will never bother any comments from you anymore. Anything in MY OPINION is rude/nonsense/irrelevant/judging/broken-english/hurts-my-eyes from you will be deleted. Everyone is going to laugh at your stupid comments. Oh wait, they won't since they won't even be able to see your comments!

Yes, life is indeed unfair ( :

Loo you are not a good person!

Er... Okay... So?

P/S: I think I've mentioned this somewhere above. But I really want to repeat it, "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WHEN I SAID CERTAIN THINGS.". SO STFU. PLEASE! My friends are already laughing at you. It's embarrassing, okay? For both of us! I am talking about your ignorance, and the way you tried so hard to sound like a pastor. It's a total fail. You don't pwn me, at all. And I am making that face. The one with one side of my upper-lip curled up.

And the last time I made it was when Teddy pissedd on Nike.

UPDATE: After rereading loverboy's comments, I really don't think he actually hates me that much. I kinda exaggerated a little. But he hates me anyway. So... yeap!

: -' (

2009-09-17T17:57:00.003+08:00

That my friend, that ' sign in the title, is not a misplaced tear drop. It is a correctly placed nose discharge.

I got sick, again. Seriously, anyone horny? You are welcomed to fuck my life now.

I couldn't even fall asleep last night. Kept making tours to clean my nose. And then my stomachache JUST HAD TO come at the same time. Doubling the discomfort.

I tried to sleep at 2, fell asleep at 5. Woke up at 8, ordered McD to stop my gastric. Fell asleep at I really don't know what time. And I just woke up. And it's 6... PM!

I had a terrible fight with my mom yesterday. Again. I don't like her. She is a pain in my ass.

News to Share!!!

2009-09-16T10:45:00.002+08:00

Good morning everyone!!! I made another retarded video! So here goes....

WARNING : I looked real bad in this video.

MAH!

So yeah, I looked terrible in this video. But who cares. I don't. Do you?

I want my blue suspenders back!!!

Oh anyway, I just woke up from a dream where I had to sit for exams. It was so scary. FML Fuck you my brain up there! I am having a holiday now okay?!?!?! Stop giving me exam dreams!!!

I hate you

2009-09-15T13:06:00.005+08:00

See? I stick to my promise. I woke up a little earlier than now, but youtube was doing some updating so I couldn't edit the annotations. So it's done now!

I got my glasses from Bangkok, I thought it was fun so I bought it. Am not a meeka-copy-kitty. Or maybe I am. I was once obsessed with suspenders, not so much now. But I will still wear them.

P/S: I really wanted to remake this video but I was really very tired and sleepy. And my camera was running out of batt. I wanted to say "ouch" instead of that ridiculous "wow!" and I wanted to say "don't I just look so cool now?" instead of "do I look like meekakitty now?" Ah well, perhaps you can use some imagination.

:( F my life.

Good Night!

2009-09-15T03:39:00.001+08:00

New video in the morning! Or afternoon... Depending on what time I wake up. Can be in the evening. :D

He Came Without Warning

2009-09-14T14:26:00.004+08:00

Excuse me dude-with-a-hose, what if I was watching porn and masturbating? No, I never learnt to share anything since I was a kid. What more of a porn!?

Or what if I was a girl with big boobs and bushy pubic hair who just got out of the shower room and trying to look for an extra piece of towel to finally cover my entire bossoms? And another piece to keep my pubic hair unexposed.

And there you are, Mr. Too-Tanned, grinning at me with your hamsap face. (hamsap means pervert)

What would I do then? Huh? I tell you what I'd do. I'd open the window, reach out my hands, and make an outward jerk.... to the ladder that you were holding with your dear life on. Yes, that'd do.

Bad Hair Cuts Can Ruin Life

2009-09-14T03:27:00.003+08:00

Sorry Teddy-lovers, I had to do this to him because he had lice. Nike had the same hair style too. He was in my mom's room. It took me 2 hours to sit and wait til the video was uploaded onto youtube. Fuck my life. Am going to bed now.

And I feel so sorry for myself, that I have eye bags. TIME TO SLEEP!

How do I dis-bag my eyes?

My teeth bit me

2009-09-13T19:39:00.004+08:00

I kept chewing my own cheek. On the inside. If you don't know that teeth are supposed to be on the inside, teeth are supposed to be on the inside.

Good news is that I finally got my tooth extracted. Bad news is that I have one tooth lesser than 3 days ago. ) : FML